What's the hardest you've tried to get dumped?Groovypoodle writes, "My mate once told his girlfriend that he didn't think it was working only for her to laugh and tell him he was hilarious. Saying she was 'too weird' and 'slightly violent' and that he didn't like her was equally hilarious. Ripping off her wing mirror, throwing it through the windscreen
and storming off in a huff merely generated an apology from her a week later..."
Just how hard have you had to work to get someone to take the hint and stay dumped?
(
chthonic, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 10:33)
« Go Back
sure fire way to get dumped.if one wants to realise one's ambition of becoming a dumpee and promoting the dumper side of their other half here are some helpful hints and tips to try out.
1 - gently introduce her to the concept of fisting, gently working up from 2-3-4 fingers loosen her until she can accept your fingers in a swan like shape. You should eventually be able to loosen her to accept a jolly good fisting, all the better if you can do front and back bottom. If you feel the relationship really isn't working out try smothering your hands in chilli powder prior to giving her a right good fisting, she may go off you somewhat after this.
2 - If helpful hint 1 doesn't work, you can try super gluing her eyes shut, much hilarity will ensue as she stumbles around bumping into things. Extra kudos if you can carry out this procedure on a busy traffic island and leave her to it.
3 - vomit in her chuff
4 - try to wash aforementioned vomit off with a stream of fresh warm urine
if all of the above fails to get the hint across to her, and she really isn't going to take the hint return her to the animal shelter from whence she came and explain to the volunteers how things just haven't worked out, how you would have loved to grow old together and how it has always been your dream to marry a tabby cat and have kiddens with them before relocating to a small shed with a bicuspid arch on the edge of a river in the hazy heat of a summers day.
fuck it stick it on the barbecue and watch it sizzle before fruhstuck.
what?
(, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:45, 3 replies)
Christ...This is funny. So, so funny. Fisting a girl with chilli powder? Fuck, dude, you must be some kind of sexual LEGEND! Yeah man. LEGEND! Jesus. Jesus I'm laughing. Jesus, I can't stop. LEGEND!
Wait. I read a bit more. Vomit in her chuff? Jesus! Did you think that up yourself? LEGEND!
Aha. Ahahahaha. Aha. Aha.
So funny. So, so, so funny. I mean it. Really. You're funny.
So, so funny.
Hang on. And you finish with a word in GERMAN! German? You're not just funny. You're eru-fucking-dite, dude. You have learning. Are you a kind man? A wise man? Do you have plans, do you have wisdom? Bullshit man!
You rock. I mean it.
No, I do.
I really do.
(, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 14:59, closed)
@ guernican: What iflegless had written it?
Not saying he ever would, but if he had?
(, Fri 6 Jun 2008, 11:20, closed)
@tweebianI don't know who "legless" is. Sorry.
(, Mon 9 Jun 2008, 13:39, closed)
« Go Back