well, he said,
taking a puff on his pipe and sitting in his comfy chair, as a father myself (oldest daughter out of her teens) you *have* to let your children go out into the big wide world, and make their own mistakes. But it's the hardest thing to do and many parents fall down at this point.

Much as I don't want to criticise your dad - who after all is giving you help to do what he doesn't want, so kudos for that - he's not acting like an adult here. In the grown up world, children do leave home, do become independent, and do end up having pre-marital sex. And I'm sure these are things he's done himself, of course. As an adult and a parent, he has to recognise you as being an adult as well, and so able to make your own choices in life. I'm sure you've done nothing to say you want your parents out of your life, so 'fraid to say he's playing the "guilt" card here, which as a good daughter you've picked up and it's working.
Best thing is - thank him for the cash, look up some flight details to where you are, say "look how cheaply you can get here for" and encourage him to visit you - on your turf, adult to adult. That *shows* him that you want to see him, but also that you're old enough now for this to be on your territory. If you only see him at your old home, then it's all too easy to fall back into parent-child transactions.
Don't be scared - if he loves you, and I'm sure he does, he will adapt. Don't be unhappy - what you are doing is not wrong. Don't think you are the worst daughter ever - many more people can beat you to that prize. Just carry on, be strong, he will come round.
All the best
( I_Was_Mordred, Thu 5 Jun 2008, 23:52, Reply)