(only mildly related to the police) Long time ago, the first Weatherspoons in N.Ireland had a new barman.
He wasn't well liked around the town. The main problem being that he treated every job as a position of power so he could talk down to people and generally act like a cock. Now it was common in my hometown for coaches to be organised to ferry crowds of yobs and louts up to Kelly's nightclub in Portrush every weekend. They used to gather at the local petrol station until the police busted them for loitering. So they started to meet in the new Weather-spoons simply cos it was "good cheep booze 'hey". The crowds were often large and rowdy too.

So Terry, not being liked very much was put in charge of serving drinks for the whole party before the coach picked them up. My friend, the manager at the time, issued him the order:

"Don't let them take any glasses out of the pub and onto the bus"

So Terry set about his duties like a cross between Al Murray's landlord and Hitler. Not long into it the crowd started taking the piss and this only made him worse. So to cut an already long a story short, the party bus had arrived and the drunk revelers started to pour onto the bus, when a guy at the bar said:

"Here, Terry! One of them has taken a pair of glasses onto that bus, I seen her put them into her handbag"

and so Terry storms onto the bus, yelling and demanding the return of the stolen property, and won't let the bus leave until he gets the glasses back. It escalates to the point where Terry calls the police, the police arrive and ask nicely if everyone can empty their bags, pockets etc so they can just get the possibly dangerous glass back and get out of town and go clubbing.

A few hours later and nothing was found and the police give poor Terry a dressing down for wasting their time. Terry then started to chastise the punter who had tipped him off:

Terry - "You told me you seen that woman put a couple of glasses into her handbag you knob!"

Punter - "No I didn't, I said she had a pair of glasses. I seen her take them off her face and put them into her handbag, just like I said"


And the the pub erupted in laughter, including the coppers.
( Bamboo Steamer, Mon 9 May 2011, 10:28, 2 replies)

you're from ballymena
and i claim my one pound.
( parsley, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:29, closed)

well done,
now you can afford a glass of buckfast at The Vintage Inn
( Bamboo Steamer, Mon 9 May 2011, 14:41, closed)