Speed Dating
I'm sure I've written about this before, but as it fits in with the current Qotw...here is is again.





Anyway, a while ago in the pursuit of fun and adventure I was persuaded by my best friend Jo to have a crack at Speed Dating.


So there I was looking reasonably glamorous and above all, eager, sitting at a table in the window of a bar waiting for my first victim, erm, no, date and Jo was at the table next to me looking stunning.

Jo jokingly says to me, wouldn’t it be funny if your ex was to walk past on his way to the cash point. Ha ha I say. And then Jo went white…..he DID walk past...Twice. Jo and I dissolved into embarrassed giggles – I was mortified and wanted to climb under the table – particularly as the organiser was giving her pep talk at the time, she saw us in uncontrollable giggles and asked what was wrong, “Her ex husband has just walked past!” shouts out Jo cheerfully. Thanks.

Well it did effectively break the ice and I don’t think that Jo and I were as nervous after that, well, not nervous of our ‘dates’, I was slightly nervous that my ex would come in and ask me if I had taken leave of my senses, or worse, stand outside point at my 3 minute victim and laugh….


So, the Dates. 17 men all supposedly within the ages of 30-40, were they? Maybe one or two was actually in his 30s, the rest were at least 45 but more likely nearer to 55 or even 65.

But of course you can't say as the old codger sits down in front of you, "Oi! Grandad, I wouldn't date you, you're too old"

No, instead you make polite conversation for three pained minutes.

Most of the men seemed to be reasonably nice people, some were more charming than others, some more interesting than others. One was more mad than any other man I’ve met before….he had arrived with a mobile phone clamped to his ear and an ordnance survey map flapping out of the waistband of his trousers. He also possessed what I think is the last pair of NHS glasses in existence which is shocking considering we were only a couple of hundreds of yards from SpecSavers. He sat down and mumbled on about the recent earthquake that we experienced down here in Kent. Much of what he said I couldn’t hear but I did make out his general annoyance with local government who apparently contact him every time there is a natural disaster – the earthquake, a hurricane (this happened last month according to him, I missed it myself) – they contact him, ask for his ‘expert’ knowledge (on what I have no idea) and then they don’t even offer him payment or a permanent job. I made all the right noises and nodded encouragingly. He was clearly impressed by this and asked me if I listened to Radio Caroline….I didn’t have the heart to tell him it’s been gone for a long time, so I said I remembered it (that was a lie, I have heard of it, know some of the stories about it being the forerunner to Radio 1 and so on, but it was before my time I think). He then went on to tell me about a Dutch radio station that operates next door to Caroline (erm…wasn’t Radio Caroline on a boat?) he gave me the frequency to tune into and then asked me what my favourite song was….My mind went blank except for two things – James Blunt’s You’re Beautiful – no good, no good at all. Or alternatively someone has been attempting to convert me to Leonard Cohen – now that would send out all the right messages, so Leonard it was. So if I tuned in the following day I could hear a Leonard Cohen song which he would have broadcast just for me. Afterwards I discovered this man had told at least one woman that he finds it very hard to meet women for sex.

But it would have been politically incorrect of me to tell him he was mad, and ugly to boot.

Aside from him I also managed to put my foot in it with a chap who works as a Safety Officer for a Nuclear power station – “You’re Homer Simpson!” I blurted out without giving it a second thought….


Now, back on track...and to answer the question...Political correctness...

I also had a rather pained conversation with an older man who told me he drove a lorry.

I attempted to draw him out and ask which firm – no reply.

So I asked what he carried in his lorry – he told me the firm was based in London and did contract work for the local government.

Oh, says I, that sounds interesting, and then I repeat my question, What do you have in your lorry?

Finally I get a reply – Household Waste Management……Yes dear reader, he was a Bin Man.


The end of the evening saw me with a score card filled with crosses all in the Miss column – maybe some of the men were very nice, but I’d rather stay single than settle. In fact I’d go so far as to say that I’d seriously consider taking up lesbianism as a lifestyle choice if the men there were truly representative of the single men out there.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 13:53, 6 replies)

Glad to hear it
If only more people would realise - it's better to stay single than to settle.

So many people are so desperate to be in a relationship, they just take the first possibility which comes along - but more often than not, they're unhappy in the relationship if it's with the wrong person.

Far better to stay single and wait for the right person to come into your life!
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 15:15, closed)

Hear hear
Better to be single and happy than in a shit relationship for the sake of it.

I've done both.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 22 Nov 2007, 15:31, closed)

i think...
....i must be suffering from Deja Vu... :-)
(Phlash, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 16:08, closed)

What's wrong
with bin men?
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Thu 22 Nov 2007, 21:04, closed)

single men
Have you considered that generally the single women are of equally the same calibre?

Usually the reason why people do these dating things is that they have exhausted all other posssibilities and therefore all that remain are the unfortunate dregs.

Sorry if thats not PC but tbh why would you do one of these if you had a less embarrassing option?
(kebabking - salad and garlic mayo pls, Fri 23 Nov 2007, 15:26, closed)

Nowt wrong with being a bin man..
If it'd been me I'd have grinned and pointed out that everyone's shit is my bread and butter... have a giggle: we've all got to have jobs... but to be ashamed of what you do and try to paint it in words is silly.

I once gave a job to a fella who'd listed one of his past jobs as being "A marine heating and coating tchnician"... awe-struck with mental images of oilrigs and so on, I asked him to explain. "Worked in a chippy" he said. After picking my giggling ass off the loor he got the job.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 23 Nov 2007, 19:41, closed)