The power over life and death!
I have arachnophobia and I have it bad. I don't really mind other wee beasties, but spiders not only can not fly away but have webs! You can jump and throw them off you, but by god if they've webbed you they'll come right back! They'll swing about attached to your arm and you never know if they're truly gone. I dislike them so much I even have what I call "spider attacks". This is where I half wake up at night and see them crawling over my room or my pillow. Sometimes they look like giant prawns. This causes much amusement to my sister who often sees me jumping across the room, swearing and running in circles.

The other month, what with it being summer and the horrid things coming indoors to keep cool, I spotted IT. IT being a HUGE ENORMOUS MASSIVELY GIANT spider on the wall. There was no way I was leaving that thing in the house. Who knows where it would end up? With the possibility of that being on or anywhere near me I had to act.

The problem is I'm one of those people that some would call "too nice" and others "a big pussy". I can't kill things. It's too mean. It didn't do anything to deserve to die, except for being very big and incredibly scary but I guess to spiders I'm very big and incredibly scary too. I'm not smooshed so why should it be? Damn damn damn.

So a plastic air freshener lid is fetched, along with a piece of card. The regular "spider catching kit". My sister placed the lid over the top of it (at this point I was hopping in circles and squealing near by) and together we take our time getting the card between the lid and the wall.

A problem arises. When we try to move the lid with the card, the card bends and leaves an escapable gap. However, together we are an intelligent pair and I run off to fetch our saviour- the spatula! Sneaking it behind the card I flip the lid and card over and we're off! She's got the door, I've got the beast! The night is fresh and oh my god what if it lands on me when I put it outside?!

As she throws the door wide open in the night any passers by would have been privy to the sight of two squealing girls in their nighties, one holding the door like an over-enthusiastic actor and the other throwing lid, card, spider and spatula out into the night, loudly declaring, "FUCK!"

Scary as that bloody thing was I held the power to its very life, but the beast was gone and once again the Vix0r and her sister had saved the day!
( vix0r was not Matthew on, Sat 10 Jul 2010, 19:02, 5 replies)

You need a spider vacuum!
My mother and myself are much like you, and this is the most useful gadget we've got. It also leads to an amusing ten minutes running around the living room chasing after a spider which runs away that little bit too fast.

www.lakeland.co.uk/F/keyword/spider+vacuum/product/20455 is our one - I'm not sure how to do url tags on here :/
(epinephrine, Sun 11 Jul 2010, 15:20, closed)

I love spiders, but not as much as my mental cat - we fight over them - me to try and save them, him to get them down his evil kitty throat as quickly as possible...grrr
( curvylittlegoth heard the voices in your head on, Sun 11 Jul 2010, 16:10, closed)

Christ!
You're braver than I.

I would simply have gone and slept in the car; there's no way I'd have gotten close enough to catch it in a glass.

I do agree that you shouldn't kill it though - it's not the spiders' fault that we have a psychosis.
(dchurch bah, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 10:22, closed)

People like you annoy me somewhat.
PLY: "AARGH! A spider!! Getridofit getridofit gedridofit!!"
Shinyscalp: Splat! "There you go; no more scary spider!"
PLY, suddenly all anthropomorphic: "Aw, I didn't want you to kill it".
Shinyscalp: *facepalm*

The big hairy scary ones are house spiders, and they're called House spiders for a reason. Taking them outside to "get rid of them" is like throwing a cat into a swimming pool; all they're going to do is come straight back, and when they get here they'll be just as scary and possibly even a bit annoyed.

They aren't endangered, and there's no point in saying they wouldn't kill you if they had the chance; they're predators, not vegetarians, and they certainly would kill you if they had fangs big enough to pierce your skin (their venom is very toxic), either to eat you (very slowly) or just to stop your flappy screeching whenever you're in their vicinity.

By all means have healthy respect for the natural world. But don't pretend that you can live in harmony with it. Even vegans don't let locusts eat all their crops if they have a chance.
( shinyshinyscalp less a man, more a way of life, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 10:30, closed)

I refrain from killing spiders.
It is not because I care about spiders. It is so I don't have to clean up dead spider.
(ThomsonsPier consumes, Mon 12 Jul 2010, 14:30, closed)