My good reason
Thirteen years ago, when the Internet was just starting to become what it is today, I was a geeky computer hippie discovering the highs of lows of marijuana, flitting between jungle, Nirvana and Oasis, and spending weekends in the pub, playing pool and getting pissed. I was twenty, carefree and loving it.

Then I met Clare.

I'd seen her a few times in the pub. She was going out with the local speed-freak, who also played pool. We laughed and joked and flirted a little but, not being one to step on toes, I just kept it platonic, although my geek-sense told me there was a spark.

A few weeks after we first met, we bumped into each other in the pub. She'd split up with speed-freak and was steadily pickling her sorrows. We spent the night getting leathered and wandered off to the park for a snog and a fumble. This was unusual for me - I didn't get much attention from girls so when we finally went our separate ways I bounced back to my house with a beaming grin.

A couple of weeks later, I got a call from Clare. She'd left home as her dad was being abusive and she was sleeping rough. I told her she could stay at my place for a couple of nights to get herself sorted. And that's when we hooked up.

I won't go into too much detail as my previous post from Beautiful but Bonkers tells the most part of the story. Suffice it to say that we were terrible for each other.

When she fell pregnant, I knew instantly I should leave. I wanted desperately to get away from her. I knew I was being manipulated and backed into a corner, but I put it off, I sided with my moral mind and tried my level best to make things work for the sake of our child.

So I put off the separation I knew would ultimately come, through the pregnancy, birth, and much of the first year of our daughter's life. Ultimately, the continued aggression, arguements and lies all got too much for me, and I necked a few strips of prescription codeine and a couple of packets of paracetamol on top of a bellyful of beer.

Thanks to an observant friend and excellent service during a night in A & E, I came through. But even this didn't move me to split with Clare. Our child was what bound us together, and I really wanted to make it work for her sake.

So again, and again, I put it off, until finally, finally I snapped. A week before our daughter's first birthday, I broke up with them.

I say 'them' because that's what it was - to get away from Clare, I had to lose every-day contact with my daughter.

Fortunately we managed to arrange access and now, almost twelve years later, our daughter and I get on famously.

But I'd much rather she was there for breakfast every morning, and dinner every night.

You can see why I put it off for so long, right?
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Mon 17 Nov 2008, 9:03, Reply)