Years ago...
...when out with a bunch of mates in the city for a piss-up, a post-pub kebab was in order for everyone except the new girlfriend of one of the aforementioned mates.

A vegan, she saw it upon herself to describe to everyone in detail, the ingredients of the kebab meat, how they were eventually formed into the lovely vulva-like pile presented before our drunken faces (although how she arrived at these 'facts' is still a mystery to me) and condemn all our drunken meat-loving ways to the fiery hell of eternal damnation.

Great, you don't eat meat. Brilliant, you have the strength to fight the urge for kebab meat when you're drunk. But do you really need to tell me how evil I am because i've chosen to eat one?

Does my personal choice actually have any bearing on your life in any way - positively or negatively? No. Exactly - so shut the fuck up about it and leave me to clog my arteries in peace you self-righteous, tofu-loving shitbag.

I got fed up listening to the judgemental, condescending moaning and threw my donner all over her vegan face to cheers from everyone (including the soon-to-be ex-boyfriend...)

And i'm almost positive that I could see a look of utter satisfaction in her eyes as she tasted the dripping mixture of grease and kebab sauce as it ran down her face and into her mouth.
(god_is_a_ghoti Carpe Deum., Sun 30 May 2010, 0:51, Reply)