Cruise control
"I'd been driving all night, my hands wet on the wheel.."

Well, not quite. Golden Earring failed to capture the sheer mind-numbing tedium of following a convoy of Satan's Portakabins meandering no faster than forty-three miles an hour along the A303 at two in the afternoon. We'd been travelling for four hours during August bank holiday and the roads were predictably hell.

Even my much loved Mk2 Golf GIT couldn't lift the frustration, nor could my then fiance who was randomly ejecting and swapping cassettes from the aged Blaupunkt stereo; I was angrily voicing my ingratitude at being forced to endure the offensively whiny voiced Meredith Brooks for a third time in one day.

"Aww, you're stressed honey!" she said in a rare, concilliatory voice.

"Fuggingcaravansdieslowcuntselfishcuntcuntcunt!"

I'm not the most patient driver.

I felt the gentle, reassuring pressure of her right hand on my thigh and relaxed a little but was still loudly denouncing everything which had conspired to turn my countryside motoring into hell.

"fuggingmeredithfuggingbrooksisawhinyvoicedbintdiediedie!"

Slowly, the hand began to inch towards the crotch of my jeans.

"whatthecockisthistwattingfuggingidiotdoing...mmmmmmmm..."

zzzzzzzzzip!

Without a word, she unclipped her seatbelt and leaned over. A moment later, I felt her warm and wet mouth around me. My mood was definitely looking up.

And for the next few miles, I sat back in the seat wearing the smile of a man being expertly fellated as the stress melted away from my system. Life was suddenly very good indeed...

...right up until I reached a section of dual carriageway and slowly overtook a packed coach full of daytripping pensioners, suddenly remembering that the sunroof was still open.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Apr 2009, 14:28, 6 replies)

Ha!
Marvellous! Cheers for the laugh, mate!
( SpankyHanky, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 14:34, closed)

Brilliant as ever...
I was lined up with two more stories to post...

which were going to essentially be rehashed pearoasts form the Voyeurism QotW.

I won't bother now. You cover both subjects I was going to...and in a better way than I could.

Oh, and Golf GIT...? Mwwah! sublime.

*Clicks*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 27 Apr 2009, 14:38, closed)

I very much doubt...
...I could do your style justice Mr Flake.

Give it a go!
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Apr 2009, 14:39, closed)

Well told
And a familiar story - I think we've all been there at some point. Thanks for the memories =D
(TheManWhoWas SlightlyKnackered, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 15:10, closed)

Have you got...
exceptionally long arms?

My girl doesn't fit underneath the steering wheel.
(karnuvap, Mon 27 Apr 2009, 19:08, closed)

I have when it counts...
...ie when someone is giving you a driving seat nosh.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Mon 27 Apr 2009, 23:03, closed)