poo at the airport
This story was retold to me by my mum some years ago and gets regurgitated every so often at family gatherings. Mostly when I have whatever floozy I happen to be dating or married to at the time over at hers.
So the story goes that my family booked us on a fabulously extravagant holiday. Well is seemed so at the time given I was about 5 and we were going on a plane. Most other kids drove the to the petting zoo and stroked donkeys for their holidays, but not us, we were flying somewhere!

At the airport Mums hands were full and she was stressed out while trying to maintain control over 3 kids, several suitcases and passports that had mysteriously disappeared. In an effort to keep me from running around like a lunatic she popped me onto the airline check in desk and told me to sit still. I'm relying on my mums memory on this, but apparently during the check in procedure a rather nasty smell wafted over the desk. Mum glanced over and I was standing up with what looked like melted chocolate with peanuts running down both legs.

The smell I am told was incredibly pungent and had the amazing effect of drawing the attention of a room full people within a 20 metre radius towards mum. Dad returned from his cigarette outside, which if you believe mum was only another one his covert missions to avoid parenting at critical moments, and took me outside to hose me down.

I have another gem of a poo story that haunted me for years, but I'll have to wait until the 'So, have you ever thought a raison in your poo looks tasty' QOTW comes round. I hope it never does because that story is just too much to bear.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Thu 29 May 2008, 17:02, Reply)