Pampers
Many years ago I used to do an utterly horrendous commute into London by Coach. This journey could take anything from one to three hours depending on how much the whole world was against me...

Anyways, one day after work I somehow ended up drinking Super-Tennants with a dirty tramp in a gutter somewhere, I have no idea how or why, suffice to say that he was my best friend at that particular time despite the fact he had wooden teeth. After many drinks and Pogues renditions I eventually had to bid my farewell and sauntered off to get the coach home.

Once seated, the coach rumbled away and immediately I needed a piss. Knowing full well that I was at the mere beginning of a roughly two hour hell ride before I could release the torrent of urine I could vividly picture swishing round my bloated bladder, the desire to urinate grew more powerful and desperate by the minute.
After what must have only been fifteen minutes or so, I was practically in tears, contemplating getting off the coach on the motorway and furiously crossing my legs. When I could take it no longer I had to take evasive action.

Glugging back the remainder of the Super-Tennants clutched in my sweaty palm, I carefully removed my thankfully tiny todger and placed the tip of the bobbys helmet on the can opening. Instantly a hot yellow stream jetted inside with a ferocious sound, awaking a few of my fellow passangers from their slumber. Relief was sweet but short lived as the can began to fill and I wasn't nearly finished - I felt like I hadn't pissed for years and could have quite easily filled a keg at this point.

By now my brain must have not been functioning properly as I desperately sought another solution.
And then it struck me. Even to this day I can barely believe it, but dear readers I must confess - I calmly undid my shirt and removed it, unbuckled my belt a notch, and then simply stuffed it down my trousers LIKE A MASSIVE FUCKING NAPPY!

I unleashed hell for what seems like hours, practically cumming with the sheer pleasure of it all until finally I was done and nothing more than a trickle warmly emenated from my limp and wrinkled babycock.
By now even through my drunken haze, I could smell piss. This hot coach began to heave with the unmistakable whiff of adult nappy juice and I HAD to hide my shame.

As I bent down to try and remove the makeshift Huggies from my tousers into my bag I accidently knocked over the can of Super Tennants urine which went happily spiralling down the coach glugging my pungent slash all the way down the aisle til it plopped down into the drivers cabin spewing liquid tramp odour much to his suprise.

I said nothing, but waddling off that stinking bus with a giant piss filled nappy down my strides avoiding the glares and mutterings from everyone on board is an image that will stay with me forever.

I get the train now.
(wrigglesworth, Thu 29 May 2008, 17:30, 8 replies)

Clicks
One of the funniest and most disgusting stories I've read. Made me laugh.
(Stevie Ruggling, Thu 29 May 2008, 19:27, closed)

HAHAHAHAHA
always carry a bottle :)
( discomeats This canoe, Thu 29 May 2008, 20:25, closed)

tears
There are tears of laughter.
( djtrialprice, Thu 29 May 2008, 23:21, closed)

My mum washed that nappy shirt...
...as if it was the most normal thing in the world.
(wrigglesworth, Fri 30 May 2008, 14:18, closed)

Hilarious!
Nowt wrong with that - every coach goer knows using the coach trap or having to beg a stop off at the services is a sign of weakness.
(GirlOfTheWorld, Fri 30 May 2008, 14:31, closed)

Unfortunately they had removed the toilet to make more room...
On another occasion I literally begged my girlfriend to let me piss in her handbag and cried when she refused.
(wrigglesworth, Fri 30 May 2008, 15:47, closed)

Jesus!
I'm fucking snorting through my fingers!
( Evil Bastardo, Tue 3 Jun 2008, 15:57, closed)

Oh dear lordy lord
Hahahaha that's the funniest thing I've read for a while! The bus home from town takes at least an hour (there's no train station where I live) so if I've ever been out on the town you can guarantee that I'll need to pee within 10 minutes of getting on the bus. I've never come up with a genius solution like yours though!
( El Lazarus is calm now, Ish,, Tue 3 Jun 2008, 20:20, closed)