7 hour clench
Last year I had the joy of going over to lovely Kazakhstan for various IT related tasks which I won't bore you with here. First two trips fine, last trip not so fine.

The day before I left the site my body decides it's had enough of the tasty food and forces me into a horrific night of stomach cramps (not fun for a Crohns sufferer), bum clenching, and lots of swearing and praying. Knowing I had a 7 hour flight ahead of me, I elected not to eat (or drink until I got home).

Once on the flight, everything seemed fine, no cramps, so I relaxed and had some food as I was feeling light headed...this was to prove a school boy error. Within minutes my body rejected the food and attempted to pass it through my intestines like it was soaked in Daves Insanity Sauce. As the flight was as ever filled with workers, and had decided to take off with only two working toilets, my choices were to stand in the queue constantly for 7 hours, or try and wait it out. I elected to sit where I was, reasoning that if I didn't move, then my intestines would be fooled into thinking I was dead, and would stop gurgling like a volcano. For 7 hours I sweated, hulcinated, and watched as time started to slow and the final hour became a week long slog before we landed.

The waddle to the toilets at Schiphol was interesting, mainly as people stared at the sweaty, 6-foot man walked as fast as his bum clenching allowed. The relief was awesome, as was watching a cleaner going in 10 minutes later to close that cubicle for anyones elses use.
(R4MP4G3, Fri 30 May 2008, 12:07, Reply)