Southern Bus Travel
When I was a Freshman in college, my Parents, requested I use my credit card to purchase travel arrangements to get home as I had a Niece graduating from high school the week that we were released and they werent going to be able to chauffer me home. I figured: cheapest way to get home = bus.

It MAY have been the cheapest. But God, the pain I endured.

I was standing at the Greyhound terminal (Greyhound buslines for those of you that do not know) and the bus appears to be a popular one. NOT a good sign. From Charleston, South Carolina to Baltimore, Maryland is about a 12 hour journey by car...but by bus it is a delightful 15 hours with all the stops.

As I was a Freshman cadet in a military college though, my thoughts were: Great! I can sleep and catch up on the exam sleep I lost! Not likely.

There was ONE seat by the time I got on the bus. I had let FAR too many people (of the female persuasion) get on before me. So I was sat next to the proverbial fat kid on the bus. Though this time, it was no kid. It was a 50 year old woman who HAD to be weighing in at about 350lbs.

I am not a racist, but I am going to make a statement here about large, obese really, southern black women. They tend to lean towards the Baptist Faith and the Holy Roller side of the church seems to make their lives complete. They are very vocal in their love of Jesus...and that vocal nature does not limit itself to Church or the Privacy of their own homes. No.

THEY "TESTIFIED" TO EACH OTHER THE ENTIRE RIDE.

Some of the gems I heard(all spoken at a near yell because her friend, also quite large, was unable to sit in the same row of seats as her):

"Lawd, Jezus done SAVED MY LIFE Girl!"
"PRAISE Jezus! He can DO IT ALL!"
"Lawdy! Preacher dun spoke DA TRUF Girl!"
And OVER AND OVER again, a simple: "YES JEZUS!" Literally at least 500 times!

The ENTIRE ride. Neither of them slept.

Later in life, when I lived in NYC, there was a bus that literally ran two blocks from my abode to the World Trade Center. It was an express bus and would have dropped me within FEET of the air conditioned entrace way to the Twin Towers.

Did I take it? I tried. But every time I got near the bus stop all I could hear was "YES JEZUS!"
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 30 May 2008, 15:28, 3 replies)

A-men, brotha!
I can witness and testify to the truth of what he says! I seen it with my own eyes, brothas and sistahs! I have heard them for myself! Hallelujah!

The best part is watching two of these women greet each other with hugs- it's like watching two beach balls collide.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Fri 30 May 2008, 15:37, closed)

Praiiiiiise de Lorrrrd!
Being anglophiles both, I have to share this clip with you.

Take it away Mr Kenny Everitt:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX03hgf_LcM
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Fri 30 May 2008, 15:43, closed)

Testify Brother TRL....testify!
yeah, I went there

I get these crazy born-agains in my office as criminal defendants. Of course my thought is 'if you spent more time in church worrying about Jesus, maybe you wouldn't be committing so many crimes'. The thing about these people that irritates me the most is their answering machine always ends with 'have a blessed day'....arrrgggg!
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Fri 30 May 2008, 18:38, closed)