Synchronised phone-smashing at Wokingham station
I've only ever been to Wokingham by train, but I'm told there's a sign over the main road in: "Abandon hope all ye who enter here."

Walking through the ticket hall into the station one evening, I overheard - no, wrong word. There was a chavvy fellow with a mobile glued to his ear but, sadly, not firmly enough to his mouth, which is why the whole station could hear him shouting into it.

He was talking to/shouting at his girlfriend Charlotte - him on platform 1, with a bunch of us waiting for the train on platform 2 able to hear every word. It wasn't very elucidating.

"CHARLOTTE WHERE THE FAHK ARE YOU?"
(part of the fun was guessing what exactly Charlotte had replied)
"I'M IN FAHKING WOKINGHAM YOU SILLY COW"
"COURSE I'M NOT IN FAHKING BRACKNELL, I SAID I'M IN FAHKING WOKINGHAM"
"WELL WHAT THE FAHK ARE YOU DOING THERE?"

And he became more and more agitated. To say he was "pacing back and forth" would be overstating it, he only managed about 1m in either direction, but he wasn't very happy. Sadly I can't remember the remaining five minutes of witty repartee - there was some stuff about his car, and who she was out with last night - but I do remember the very, very loud closing line.

"CHARLOTTE YOU FAHKING SLAG!!"

followed by him throwing his mobile very very hard at the concrete footbridge. At which point, obviously, it smashed.

Cue one chav glaring angrily at his ex-mobile, slowly subsiding into a puzzled look like "er... what the [fahk] do I do now?". And about 30 passengers on platform 2 trying not to laugh.

I like to think that exactly the same scene was playing out in Bracknell at the same time.
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Fri 30 May 2008, 15:48, Reply)