Beer + Whiskey + NYC Subway (and Staten Island Ferry) = BAD idea
***Apologies for length!***

So I had only been a New Yawker for about 3 or 4 weeks when my Brother calls up and says "I am stopping off in NYC on my way up to Buffalo. Lets get drunk." My response: "WOOT!"

So he shows up, we get something to eat at a local ptomaine palace and grab a couple of sodas, then return to my flat to get 'gussied up' (that's southern for putting on a sport coat).

We head across the Staten Island ferry and then up to the Upper East Side, where, unbeknownst to me I had apparently lit a fire of attraction underneath some Irish bartenderess who kept slipping us free Guinness and Jamiesons! Double woot!

We leave, FAR too blind to actually SEE where we were going, let alone working out how to get there and we get on a train that will take us downtown close enough to the Staten Island ferry to walk. What we hadnt counted on was that it was 3:59am and we were too drunk to navigate the subway.

We of course, fall asleep, entirely missing our stop and ending up in Brooklyn. Not good.

Fortunately for all involved, I was awoken by a NYC constable poking my chest with his night stick. Never a good thing to wake up to. Apparently my Brother may (or may NOT) have wet himself in his drunken sleep. He says no, I say the large stain says otherwise.

So we change train directions and head back into the city, vowing that one of us must stay awake in order to make our stop. We agree. And we both fall asleep immediately.

This time, we wake up in HARLEM. Go look at a map. (1,2 or 3 line) We had traversed the ENTIRE island of Manhattan and were now in a VERY bad neighborhood. It was starting to be rush hour...

This time, through sheer dumb, drunken luck, we were able to get off at the right stop. We climb aboard the Staten Island Ferry and begin our crossing. I chose to lay down because, well, I was tired as does my Brother. Knowing the sensation of the ferry touching the berth, I wake up, waltz (stumble) down the gangplank thingy and head to my apartment about 5 blocks away.

I get home, collapse on my bed and fall back to sleep.

I wake up about an hour later to urinate (in the bathroom) and as I am heading back to my room I stop to get something to drink. Espying two opened sodas in the fridge I thought to myself: why on earth would I leave TWO sodas already opened in the fridge?

Then it hit me: I had left my big brother on the Staten Island Ferry. How was I to call home and tell my Parents: "Um, yeah, everythings going GREAT up here! However I seemed to have misplaced my big Brother."

When I found him, loping off the boat in the manner that one can only truly pull off in that happy stage between 'still drunk' and 'hungover', he had transited from NYC - Staten Island - NYC - Staten Island on the boat.

And neither of us lost a dime. We BOTH still had our wallets! I credit that to the mysterious liquid stain on my Brothers trousers!

Cheers, and again, apologies for length!

Citadel
( Citadel Because the world needs less morons, Fri 30 May 2008, 22:08, 1 reply)

oh dear
Anyone who uses the word "w00t" deserves a blunt stabbing no matter how good their story is. Double "w00t" means you are worse than Stalin.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Sat 31 May 2008, 0:04, closed)