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This is a question Public Transport Trauma

Completely Underwhelmed writes, "I was on a bus the other day when a man got on wearing shorts, over what looked like greeny grey leggings. Then the stench hit me. The 'leggings' were a mass of open wounds, crusted with greenish solidified pus that flaked off in bits as he moved."

What's the worst public transport experience you've ever had?

(, Thu 29 May 2008, 15:13)
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I've just remembered this one...
Seems like many others have suffered similar fates, but I had to share.

Once, I had to get to Daventry for an interview. For those who know it, it has no station, so getting there from Sheffield for 9AM could only be described as a bit of a slog.

I'd had to get up at 4 in the morning to get to the interview. My mum, bless her, got up at the same time to make me some butties for the journey and despite the taxi forgetting to come get me at first (I'd booked the night before like a good little lad), the journey there went smoothly, even the taxi ride from the nearest station to Daventry, Long Buckby (consisting of a house, a station and a telephone box) went remarkably well.

The interview, well, it could have been better. I was still a callow youth at that time and had never really left my house much, never mind Yorkshire, so my interview skills were still lacking.

Mind, I got back to Long Buckby fine (on the company, woohoo) and the train came in.

Now back in Sheffield the concept of 'first class' on a regional train was alien at the time, so I amazed myself at the relative luxury I was surrounded by when I plonked myself down on a seat. It was only one stop to Rugby where I needed to change, there was no-one else about so couldn't see it being a problem, and to top it off, I still had my mum's butties left.


And then.

Surprisingly short conductor: "Tickets please"
Me: "There you go"
Surprisingly short conductor with frown: "This is first class, you've got a standard ticket, you'll have to move"
Me: "I'm only going one stop (looking round), it's empty in here, give me a break, it's been a long day, I've been up since 4 in the morning"
Surprisingly short conductor with frown and little man syndrome: "Haven't we all, now you'll have to shift."
Me, standing up (my 6'0 seemingly towering over his 4'7 or whatever), gesturing wildly: "What's the point, doesn't this terminate at the next stop anyway?"

Now, at this point you'd have thought Hitler The Short Controller would have spotted the common sense approach.

But then.

Hitler The Short Controller: "Yes, but what if others get on? I'm afraid I'll have to charge you for first class travel."

It was at this point that I laughed, sat down, and made it perfectly clear charging me more wasn't going to happen, and that if I was to be moved, he'd have to drag me, my butties and my Guardian down the carriage himself, after which I would do him for assault (I was in that kind of mood) and who would sound more idiotic in court (probably me, thick accent and all, but that's beside the point I guess).

Hitler then replies:

"Well with that attitude sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave at the next stop, good day."

Me: "Not a problem."

Victory achieved, and with the fascist blind to his own stupidity, I settled down to my ham and mustard butty, quickly scanned the cricket results from yesterday and upon arriving at Rugby, alighted, gave the conductor the ol' twos-up whilst he seemed to be heading for the transport police and jumped on the waiting train going oop North where common sense seems to prevail...

Yorkshire won by 3 wickets as well. It's the simple things...
(, Sat 31 May 2008, 16:17, 1 reply)
good for you!
pheasants, pedants and peasants - what shotguns were invented for.
(, Sat 31 May 2008, 20:26, closed)

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