bugger mugger
Living in London, and getting the tube every single day, mostly at rush hour each time, you're bound to come across a few... characters.

So i'm on the tube having just gone shopping in a whole World of PCs, so i have several bags of expensive looking computer parts. I'm minding my own business when an asian guy sits across from me on the inward facing seats. and he fixes me with an unmoving stare.
now asian people tend to have quite deep set dark eyes, which, when a guy wont take his eyes off you is a little unsettling.
you know that sensation where you feel like you're pinned to your seat like a butterfly in a museum? that was me.
you know that feeling where you've never found that map of the underground quite so interesting in your entire life? that was me.

As the train pulled into the station i bolted out of the doors, trying to put some distance between me and him. at this point i didn't know if the guy was just a bit odd in the head, and i didn't care to find out.

I got to the escalator and felt something like a hand knocking against my back pocket. it was a bit too hard and deliberate to be accidental so a quick crafty look behind me and, yep, he's right behind me.
'Bollocks!' I think 'He's trying to pickpocket me! He's a really creepy, unsubtle theif.'
so i put my hands in my pockets to protect my phone and wallet and went on my way.

I got out of the station and crossed the road, not checking to see if he was behind me, but there was enough people around to make it impossible to really try anything. I got to my bus stop and waited for the bus, turning around to see him a few feet away on the phone facing the other way.
'Shit!' I inwardly panic 'He's calling a mate and they're gonna mug me as soon as i get off the bus!'

So i while he's facing the other way i (practically) run round the other side of the bus shelter so he won't know where i've gone.
'phew!' think I,

A few seconds later he appears round the corner, still on the phone, sees me, hangs up and sits next to me.
'FUCK!' i scream silently
I put my hands in pockets to protect again, and hope i wont have to fight for my life soon...

He turns to me and he says in an almost perfect sterotypical indian accent
'is dat your natural hair colour?'
'eh? oh...err...no, it's dyed.'
(this was back when i had my beautiful fringe)
'it's very silky, very shiny.'
'err...cheers'
i start thinking, 'dude, you're either trying to rob me or you're trying to fuck me. and either way i'm having none of it!'

He turns to me again and mutters behind a hand
'ae y gy?'
'huh??'
'are. you. gay?'
'ohhh! ha. no'
'i like your lips rings. very...'
'haha! how does that make me gay?'

And with that he stood up, and stalked off into the night, presumably to find his next effeminate, sexually-confused looking victim.
(quibble, Tue 3 Jun 2008, 16:53, Reply)