The monolith
My favourite 'I quit' moment actually occured two months after I handed in my notice. Mainly due to the fact that I couldn't afford to leave due to various bonuses and paydates due to me and also so I could tease the other staff by turning up week after week when they'd thought I'd left.

My resignation letter was googled and written in the style of an old school MD wishing the company all the best for the future and how all the things I had implimented should be carried on into the future. I was almost fired on the spot for the letter, but they needed the staff, so kept me on with the promise that I wouldn't do anything too bad on my last day.

Thing is, my line manager had been longing to do something destructive as a general Fuck you, but needed to keep her job, so we decided that I could do anything I liked and she would write me a glowing reference in return.

So my last day arrived...1st July 2006...A lot of bags of sweets found themselves opened by mistake so they had to be written off for staff, regular customers from my section were told the truth about the pisswater they were drinking and referred to the nearest Threshers with a list of what they should be buying instead, email addresses were exchanged, tears were shed blah blah blah.

The thing about the Monolith company I worked for is that they had these incredibly irritating cake stands for putting wine on which looked like wooden christmas trees and would overbalance if too much wine was put onto one side, so the most expensive champagne was duly ordered several days in advance and loaded up onto the trees during the day in proper stacking fashion. Throughout the day customers chose the bottles they wanted and so they were restocked in my own fashion. One tree fell to it's vinigary smelling death half an hour before closing, so I was dispatched to clean up the mess, smiling all the time.

Seeing as it was my last day I was allowed to leave half an hour early so two hours later I made the final walk along the shop floor past the two remaining trees of wine, stopped to adjust my shoe and gave it a swift kick. The tree swayed left to right for a tantalising moment while I beat a swift retreat, but I later saw the CCTV as one tree fell into another and the whole lot came crashing down, causing a spillage 50 metres long and about £2000 in write off costs.

To be fair I worked there for two years, hating every moment of it, but didn't have the confidence in myself to apply for a job I'd enjoy. I know better now.
( fuck shit up the best you never had, Fri 23 May 2008, 12:23, Reply)