Bloody American Hotels
Travelling with the then missus on a roadtrip through the US we got into an almighty fight about no idea what. Pulled into a crappy hotel on the side of the interstate in some god awful bible belt town with her still giving it some.

Paid for the room and set about doing the you're right, I'm wrong dance whilst drinking a few bottles of wine. Finally got round to the make-up sex and am down south rummaging around when I notice some blood. Best deal with this in a mature and honest way whilst ensuring minimal embarrasment on her part, I pop up and casually announce that there is a bit of blood down there. She replies with "well, it's not mine!"

And do you know what? She was right. Turns out I had got a bleeding nose and turning on the lights it would appear I'd had one for quite some time. It looked like we'd slaughtered cattle on that bed and we made a rather sharpish exit the next morning.
(Creamy Discharge Freeze Motherstickers, this is a fuck up, Sun 17 Jul 2011, 6:35, Reply)