Looking back they may have had a point
About 19 years old, I blagged a job with an engineering company where (i.e. purely because) a friend's fiancée was the supervisor. Utterly unqualified for the job, no idea what I was supposed to be doing until the first day I got there. However I did know that I got a company car - great!

A few weeks later I still wasn't quite sure what I was supposed to do, other than drive to various building sites across the South and hope somebody else from the company was there so that I could stand there and pretend to watch and learn.

I soon found out that overtime was available at the weekend so happily started driving to these building sites on saturdays and sundays, to still stand around doing nothing, but with a hangover. Unfortunately one sunday morning I was a bit too hung over and ploughed the company car into the back of a parked car somewhere near Bracknell and smashed it up somewhat.

I was given a replacement car, an Escort not a Metro - oooooh! - this time with a DialCard (company credit card supposed to be used for fuel & oil only). Took me about a day to realise most staff at independent petrol stations would happily let me buy whatever the fuck I wanted with the card and give me a receipt for petrol.

The next friday I phoned in sick, took three mates in the company car and took them on a long weekend to Blackpool, all expenses paid courtesy of DialCard. Three days of utter booze-fuelled debauchery with nights spent sleeping in the car because no hotels would accept DialCard for payment - it was not for want of trying, mind.

I had no idea what site I was meant to be at on the monday morning so I turned up at the office. The manager confronted me in the car park and pointed out that I was stinking of booze, the car full of torn up porn mags, one headlight was smashed and it had vomit streaked all down one side.

He went bezerk at me, asking what the hell I'd been playing at - I explained that there was no problem, I hadn't even been driving when I'd been sick on the car, my mate had taken over the driving halfway back from Blackpool because I was too pissed. I didn't know about the headlight, but it probably happened when we had a fight in the motorway services.

I reflected on the wisdom of my words all the way to the job centre.
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(Ali Bongo 9000 Ali Bongo 9000, Thu 23 Feb 2006, 15:20, Reply)