Sacks of Cash
#2: Have to be a little more vague about this one as there are some elements which the law may er, frown upon. If you get my drift occifer ;) say no more, nudge, nudge, wink, wink ;) Eh? EH?

Ahem.

Late 90s, big global financial company. Foreign exchange department. My job: bundle up foreign notes as per orders. This half of the UK operations was new and hadn't really much security to speak of. So... You can see what's coming can't you? There were about 14 of us working there and only Dan and I had IQs in triple figures (admittedly only about 102 given the amount of dope we smoked but that's by-the-by.) I noticed the pattern of mistakes that people would make: they would put either 1 note too much or too little or 10 notes too much or too little in the orders. We each had a regular range of currencies but often had to change for the day. So when I was on the 'tasty' currencies, these are the ones were you could live on a single high-denomination note for a week, I'd make a 'mistake' to the tune of 10 high value notes. They did have a camera pointing down the row of booths but if you leant into you booth you could easily slip a bundle into your sleeve. One trip to the bogs later and you'd have a £1,000 pair of shoes (what?). He means he put the dosh into his sock.

Doing this several times in the few weeks I worked there resulted in me being able to quadruple my basic wage income. Tee-hee. After I er, left/was asked to leave, the security did get tighter than a nat's arsehole I understand. So I was in the right place at the right time it seems. Oh I didn't actually get asked to leave because of this, oh no no. I doubt they ever noticed - I'm sure I wasn't alone in my mistake making. No, I had a disagreement with a jumped-up little twunt who thought that because he used to be the deputy manager of the local Co-op, he was entitled to order everyone around, regardless of the fact that he was just a grunt like us. Oh and there was this other 'bloke' a gay Australian (yes there are some) who, not because of his sexuality but because I had to listen to his brainless opinions for 7 1/2 hours a day, I almost killed, on an hourly basis. Yeah, looking back I guess I didn't fit in - thank fcuk.

Oh and I've just remembered: Dan used to pull these 'funny little plastic strips' off the side the Portugese Escudos. Of course, being Portugese, these were their security strips, like the silver ones in British notes. In a few weeks, he'd devalued the Portugese economy by about 5% by my reckoning... Great times!

It's not big and it's not clever, and. Oh what the hell yes it is - I was loving it!
(ToneLeMoan 2atoms.com - Getting Worse All The Time..., Wed 1 Mar 2006, 12:00, Reply)