Tongs
I forgot this one.

At 13 years old, we had a kid in our class for a while named Michael. Michael was a bit of a weirdo. He was a loner, and a bit thick. His mum was in a wheelchair and he smelled like Weetabix.

Another kid in our class was Steven. A funny looking boy, who had oversized K9 teeth and fuzzy hair, which earned him the nick name 'wolfy.' I quite liked him, but he attracted the attention of the 'hard nuts' and was bullied occasionally.

Michael sat behing my group of mates one day in science and we noticed that he was heating a pair of tongs on the bunsen burner whilst keeping a close eye on the teacher who was flitting between groups checking on various tumblers of liquid bubbling and smoking etc... (thats how I remember it. The scene may be stolen from a film now)

We asked him what he was up to, but he kept shtum.

When they were red hot, he casually walked over to where Wolfy was working with his little group of misfits and stuck the tongs up his arse.

Wolf leaped foward with an almighty "YOOOOOWWWLLLLL!" which only went to further his wolf-like status, and he bawled his eyes out and clutched his mudflaps.

We never saw Michael again.

Years later in 6th form, Wolfy was reminded of the story, and he dropped his keks and showed us the brutal scar on his arse cheek.
(Spaff_Quaffer Wise fwom your gwave., Thu 29 Jan 2009, 16:33, Reply)