Clarse Inspection
Back in infant school a large quantity of human faeces was discovered on a seat in my classroom. It had appeared between the start and end of morning play time. At first it was believed to be belong to a girl named Tanya, who had been sitting in the seat all morning. After some questioning and a smelling she was declared innocent.

Within minutes we were all evacuated from the classroom and made to wait in the assembly hall. As we stood around, we were joined by every other pupil in the school, from nursery to J4. After some verbal instructions from the music teacher, Mrs Price, we formed a giant queue.

One by one, children were led into a room. The only other time we had lined up and entered this room was during some vaccination thing. Were they injecting the children? Were we being put to death because of the unexplained shit? No, it was far far worse.

After many minutes of waiting, I was led into the room. This time there was no mother to greet me and tell me not to be scared. There was no friendly nurse to give me a sweet and say "This won't hurt". There was just one man; Mr Bennett. Mr Bennett the headmaster. I feared this man. For some reason he was still allowed to hit the children during assembly, even though this was the 90s. He never hit me, but I was always worried that he would for no reason. Then my teacher entered the room. She said: "Anthony, drop your trousers and bend over" Was I about to meet my end? Was Mr Bennett about to go Pulp Fiction on my pale six year old ass? Sadly no, it was something far more degrading. Being young and confused I did so without question. After a lot of thought, I've decided that if someone was to ask me the same question today, I would be less obliging. So my trousers were down and then it happened.

My teacher and the headmaster began to pat my buttocks and smell my poor bum. I doubt that I found any of it very strange at the time, but years of running it through my head may have done me some serious mental harm. I even remember what underwear I was wearing, my only pair of boxer shorts. They were white and had a brown cartoon dog on them. I passed the test. My bum was clean and I was no longer a suspect in the great ass inspection of 91. I pulled up my trousers and left as if nothing had happened.
(sadbearhandbook, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 17:39, 1 reply)

but
who did the poo?
(jennymnemonic, Thu 5 Feb 2009, 18:25, closed)