Master criminal
I was a 15 year old middle-low social ranking student, and used to hang around with similar types. We got up to pretty standard school stuff (I recall one of my teachers chatting to my mum about how the OFSTED inspection had gone ok apart from two students being found duct taped together and having to stiffle a giggle but I was pretty much scared of authority so nothing too bad ever happened). There was one incident where we almost touched expulsion. We had spent a biology lesson writing poems about a particularly gruff lady teacher in the back of my friend Tim's (short, widow's peak, full of shit, policeman last I heard) exercise book. Good clean fun. Until he handed it in, like a dickhead. My scribbly handwriting was recognised and it was passed on up the ladder to the deputy headmaster (DH) and acting deputy head (ADH) who, in retrospect, was a bit of a dude. Luckily I didn't have to grass up the rest of the poets as Tim had already done the honours (I suspect I would have folded almost as soon as the good cop/ bad cop routine started) and the ordeal began with me having to read my poem to them. ADH was sat behind DH stiffling giggles (my poem started "Mrs ... is a guiness drinking, guiness swilling".... went on for several lines of childish twaddle and ended.... "chutney ferret. with a willy". My best mate Rob's poem started "Mrs ... is a rooting tooting love gun shooting" ... went on for several much funnier lines and ended... "oh how I'd love to wed her and bed her tonight", so I didn't envy him having to read that out! The other two culprits Tim and Tom (wideboy sociopath, succesful with girls,no idea why he was sat with us in this particular lesson) poems can't have been great as I can't remember any of them.

I'm not sure what they said to the others but I was told what I'd written was libelous and that I'd be kicked out of school... I was cacking it. My parents were called (they said it wasn't that bad and that they could tell I was just trying to fit in, and also that my poem was less offensive (the fact that the word ferret was written in different coloured ink so they thought someone else had written it played in my favour)) and in the end the only punishment we got was leaft collection for a week. The worse punishment was knowing that the lady teacher read the poems and was really upset... I still feel bad about it now.
(Pete_G, Thu 8 Sep 2011, 20:01, Reply)