When I was in Junior School we used to have to file into assembly to classical music and in the last year a rota was run to delegate the privilege of setting up the teachers chairs which were metal framed with a canvas seat and back.

Even as a 8 year old I had a very accute sense of justice and felt that the chiding I had received from Mrs Lee, Head Teacher and professional fat ass, for doing handstands, was completely unjust.

As I and a few others dragged chairs across the parquet flooring of the gym, I thought about how much I hated Mrs Lee and wanted to give her a chinese burn. I lifted a chair from the stack and noticed that it had a long rip in the middle and was quite frayed around the edges. A plan began to formulate....

I put it front and centre where Mrs Lee would usually sit and lent on the canvas with my elbow, I heard a faint tearing noise and the plan was crystalised. I would let Mrs Lee do the rest.

Soon the time came for us to march into assembly to Tchaikovsky's 1810 Overture and with bated breath I waited for the music to stop and for us to be seated. Mrs Lee started her monologue but I didn't hear it, I was waiting for the moment and then it finally came.

She sat.

The canvas gave way and she plunged arse first through the metal frame, arms and legs waving frantically as the skirt she was wearing colourfully framed her dimpled hairy thighs and greying pants. 200 7-11 year olds and a few teachers giggled hysterically as two male members of staff reluctantly came to Mrs Lee's rescue and removed her from the fram by bracing one leg on the chair and pulling her out by her arms.

In my mind, I hear her POP as she is freed.
(GirlOfTheWorld, Fri 9 Sep 2011, 11:01, Reply)