Could have been a contender.
Wish I'd remembered this earlier in the week.

Some time in middle school we were tasked with baking shortbread biscuits. It certainly beat the previous cross-stitch project so I paid attention in a rare attempt to do something well. I'd duly taken down the notes on methodology and with a surprisingly eager manner, I began to combine the pre-measured ingredients that were dispensed to me.

Something wasn't right though. The mixture was just too dry to properly combine as the expected dough. No matter how much I tried to knead, mix and squash, it remained a crumbly mess. I asked for help but was slapped down with a response that I'd been given the correct measures of everything. There was no sink to even add a spoonful of water, so I reverted to my usual persona and drew the much needed moisture from the only available source. No. Not THAT source. I discreetly hocked the biggest fishquay oyster I could manage into the mixing bowl and, as luck would have it, it added just enough moisture to gel the mix.

I got on with the baking and just as the biscuits came out my form tutor passed through the room. She complimented my baked goodies, so naturally I offered her one to sample with her breaktime coffee.

I somehow kept a straight face though my friend who was aware of the 'secret ingredient' almost bit off his tongue and pissed his pants to stifle his laughter.
(Greencloud Wanted to go fishing on, Wed 14 Sep 2011, 18:01, Reply)