Irony
Part of my BTEC in Nursery Nursing (didn't complete it, realised I don't enjoy being around the little ankle biting crotchfruits about three months in) included an introduction to sociology.
Sociology tutor asked the class, including me and my mates (who were all mad as badgers and easily led) to present a project on what we believed to be the most important invention ever in the history of mankind.

We weren't exactly into this, wondering what the point of that was and how did it relate to changing the nappies of the little darlings we had been assigned of a friday afternoon - all kids of either couples that would put The Modern Parents from Viz to shame or multiple brats of harrassed single mums who saw us, quite rightly I guess, as a free babysitting service. So we didn't quite put as much effort into it as we might have, and basically cobbled it together the lunchtime before presentation day in the college canteen.

Presentation session arrives, and the other groups in the class are extoling the virtues of such gems as penicillin, the flushing toilet, and the wheel, when eventually it's our turn. I had been elected by our group to present (read: the other lasses realised that the tutor was maybe not going to be so impressed with our efforts and voted me the one to take the immediate flack), so I bring out our only prop - a packet of three condoms purchased from the machines in the ladies bogs.

I then proceed to tell the rest of the assembled baby minders, earth mother wannabes and possible pedos (I have my suspicions about a couple of them) that our group feels the condom is the most important invention in the history of mankind, giving a brief history of said cock sock and highlighting it's virtues and usefulness in preventing the spreads of AIDS. I fairly bigged that packet of Mates up, I can tell you - I was extremely lyrical (might have had something to do with the few vodka I'd had in the pub at lunchtime).
I finish with tale of how if many more people were to make use of them, the world would not be populated with unwanted children thus decreasing suffering and poverty. For some odd reason I felt compelled, as my finishing statement, to urge my classmates to always go equipped as "there are enough children in the world already."

The tutor never liked me after that, but it went down well with the rest of the class. I packed the course in shortly after. God only knows what possessed me to take it in the first place.
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Thu 13 Aug 2009, 14:59, Reply)