My missus asked me to buy her a vibrator, and always wanting to encourage any interest in sex, I agreed,
I went to a sex shop in Notting Hill, and not having further instruction I picked out a medium-large purple rubbery one (I opted not to get a monster, I didn't fancy going in second or risking permanently over-extending her clunge). However, when I returned home she was disappointed. I'd failed to understand that for something to be called a vibrator, it had to vibrate. What I'd bought was a dildo. I tried to return it, but sensibly they don't accept returns on sex toys, though I'm sure there's at least a market in Japan for used dildos for the enterprising businessperson. I forked out for a shiny chrome vibrator with variable speed. The unwanted purple dildo I tried putting in the hand of statue of a bloke on a horse in hyde park, but the climb was too difficult and I'd attracted onlookers and I bottled it. I ended up tossing it in the Serpentine, where it awaits to this day to rise erect cupped in a ghostly hand, for the rightful King of the Realm
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 17 May 2012, 17:39, 2 replies)

haha
Can't wait for Time Team to dig that one up!
(MrBojangles lurk...post......lurk......post, Thu 17 May 2012, 18:28, closed)

"We're getting something elongated on the geophys"
"Francis thinks it's a Celtic ceremonial club, Mick thinks it's more likely to be Roman. To me it look like a 21st century bush buzzer some cunt's dumped in the lake. The digger is in position and we have two hours left on the clock"
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 17 May 2012, 19:10, closed)

If the missus asks for a vibrator and you don't know what to get
always go for a Rabbit. There's a reason why them things are so popular. And why they have rabbit ears.
( ..wil, Thu 17 May 2012, 18:41, closed)

this was before it'd come out.
years later I bought her a rabbit. she still preferred the chrome one. I know a few woman who don't like it, and I suspect it's a bit overhyped. some women seem to get off just by holding something buzzy against their clit, and don't need the finicky rabbit pointed tickler. a simple massager will do the trick. Still, like blokes they all have different fancies.
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Thu 17 May 2012, 18:52, closed)

Oh fair enuff
The solid plastic or metal ones do transfer the buzz like rubbery ones never can!
( ..wil, Thu 17 May 2012, 18:58, closed)