Shit StoriesI once ate four Kendal Mint Cakes and did a white shit. My old school friend Roger had to outdo me. He claimed to have done a "blue bubbling turd" after eating six packets of blackcurrant Chewits. We want to hear your stories of poo, from crapping yourself at your sisters wedding to shitting the bed during sex. Go on - be filthy.
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rob, Wed 5 May 2004, 22:24)
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Cat's are clean my arse...About six months ago I got made redundant, and moved into my girlfriend's temporarily in order to live cheap whilst looking for a new job. This was made slightly awkward due to the fact that I own a cat (a twitchy neurotic little fucker called "Baggy"), and my girlfriend owned two. In order to introduce him to the other two gradually, we kept him shut up in the spare room, from which he escaped one day via a daring leap from the upstairs window.
The search for Baggy is a story unto itself (involving daring treks from one side of town to the other and back, and a cast including most of the stars from "The Aristocats"). But come back he did, about a week later. After a brief period of fuss, we fed him up (he was ravenous) and sat with him to settle him a bit. Now, because he was shut in the spare room, we'd had to rig up a litter tray for him, as he couldn't get out (at least, that was the idea - grr...). Straight after eating several times hiw own body weight, his stomach rumbled and he trotted off to the litter tray to shit.
Trouble was, in the absence of humans to feed him, and because he's an incredibly inept predator, he'd had pretty much nothing to eat for a week except grass. And cats can't digest grass. So as he squatted over the litter tray, what should emerge from his arse but a thick, tangled rope woven from shit, grass and digestive juices. That's not the worst bit - the worst bit is that he only got it halfway out, then got stuck. So he was trailing this shit-rope around behind him, scared and confused by this smelly extra tail he'd grown. So I had to grab him, grip him firmly and then (using wads of paper towels as impromptu gloves/forceps) pull the shit-rope out of him. He didn't like this, no sirree. He didn't like this one bit. There was yowling, and squirming, and the absolute worst bit was that I could feel the instant at which my cat let go of it - the instant he gave up and stopped clamping his feline sphincter against this unwarranted anal attack.
Poor little bastard. I'm sorry, Baggy, but you stank.
(, Fri 7 May 2004, 15:01, Reply)
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