Shire horse shit
As a young lad i was treated to a day at the 'national shire horse centre'. Despite how lame this sounds, they had a pretty fantastic assault course, with which i busied myself during the afternoon.

About 1/3 round my third trip of the course i got that all too familier heavy, pressing feeling round my sphincter. Being as i was a good fifteen minutes away from civilisation, i had to clench and carry on.

At the point that i was furthest from the centre, surrounded by woodlands, i decided there was nothing for it but to log off in these natural surroundings, like God probably did.

I ran into the bushes at top speed, jumping fallen branches and making sure no one was following. Just as i was looking around for a place to squat, the urge to go was lifted from me. I stood, dazed.

Fair enough i thought, and a minute later stepped to turn around. Perhaps it was the raising of my leg, or the turn of my body, i'm not sure, but for the next 30 seconds, liquid shit poured and bubbled right into my kecks, with no relent. Being a curious boy i had to confirm my suspicions, the dripping brown on my fingers told me i was in trouble. I had to get toilet paper, soon. The resulting journey back to the toilets, along the assault course was the worst experince of my life. I haven't been on one since.
(natural selection, Fri 7 May 2004, 17:55, Reply)