colostomy
A good few years back in Nottingham I was approached outside a pub by a rather desperate looking individual asking for money for a bus/taxi. This was nothing strange for Nottingham, where at one point advanced training in compassion-fatigue was required just to cross the main market square with the contents of your wallet intact.

What stopped me in my tracks this time however was not the usual piss-poor and unimaginative "I need 70p to get to Loughborough/buy some crack", but the rather more attention grabbing "Please help me. My colostomy bag has burst"

He lifted up his sweater, and indeed it had. His colostomy bag had burst. His entire abdomen and the top of his trousers was covered in a shitty (and I believe also slightly nutty) diarroheic goo that was dribbling out the tube in his side.

Picture the scene: Two in the afternoon, blue sky, birds signing, and a 40 year old man stood in front of me gesticulating desperately at his own poo-encrusted belly.

I immediately gave him a tenner, and wished him luck getting to the hospital.

Two hours later, as I pass by the same point on my way home I'm approached by a man. I recognise him just as he uttered the words "Please help me. My Colostomy bag has..."

Now, over the years I've reflected a lot on this, and I firmly believe that he deserved that tenner.
( rofl harris, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 16:32, 3 replies)

Apologies if I've missed all manner of points...
but is the insinuation that this man smothered himself in turd, in order to illicit money? Shrewd.
(bacontrout got ska, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 18:37, closed)

yes
quite cunning, although ever so slightly demented
( rofl harris, Thu 27 Mar 2008, 18:54, closed)

So by the end of the day...
... he'd earnt his "crust"?


gotta dry out sooner or later right?
(golddust QOTW now revolves around being a cunt, Fri 28 Mar 2008, 17:04, closed)