Once upon a time
there was a bloke called Bob who worked in the sewers. He'd done sterling service for forty years, keeping the subterranean passages clear and working efficiently, and he had been nominated for some sort of civic award for his services.

After receiving his award at a lavish ceremony, he invited the mayor to visit his workplace to see what went on. So the day of the visit arrived, and the mayor duly climbed down into the sewers where he was greeted cheerily by Bob. He started to give the mayor a tour of the sewer system.

"Doesn't it get a bit depressing down here?" asked the mayor after a while.

"Oh, not really", replied Bob. "There's lots of stuff to keep you interested. For example, it's possible to identify people from their excrement."

The mayor found this hard to believe, and asked Bob to show him what he meant.

"Well, see that one coming down now", said Bob, pointing to a dark-coloured, dense stool floating towards them. "That's the butcher's".

"How can you tell that?" asked the mayor.

"Well, it's dark, so he's a heavy meat eater, and if you look carefully you can see little bits of sawdust stuck to it, which must have been transferred from his floor into the toilet. Definitely the butcher."

"OK, so how about this one?" asked the mayor, indicating a rather softer log making its way down.

"Ah, that's one of Jez's, from the craft shop", said Bob. "You can tell because it's quite loose, full of seeds - he's a vegetarian, y'see - and there's a little bit of raffia stuck to the side."

The mayor was by this time quite impressed. "Right then Bob, here's a challenge. Whose is this one?" and pointed to an anonymous looking turd just appearing at the far end of the tunnel.

"Ah, that's easy", replied Bob, smiling. "That's my wife's".

"How on earth can you tell that from this distance", asked the mayor incredulously.

"No problem", replied Bob. "It's just gone 12.30 and my sandwiches are tied to it!"

/coat
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 13:58, 3 replies)

Haha
I liked that!
( baw__bag contains traces of nuts on, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 14:20, closed)

The old ones
are the best, eh? Have a click anyway!
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Mon 31 Mar 2008, 14:28, closed)

...
lavish ceremony....

click!
(twiceydrinker hmmm is it pint time?, Mon 31 Mar 2008, 14:30, closed)