Does bike theft count?
I used to chain my bicycle to the railings outside Brighton station.

One day I got back from work, and someone had chained their bike to my bike. Trying to fathom the reason for this still keeps me awake at night. It was still there a week later, so I made the decision to unchain my bike from the railings and try and wheel the two bikes (my bike and the random bike) home and separate them, thus doubling my bicycle ownership.

The trouble was, as I was huffing and puffing my way home, a police car slowly pulled up beside me. A head stuck out and he said "do you know why we're stopping you, Sir?"

I said "I'll hazard a guess Officer - is it because I am pushing two chained-together bicycles up a hill?"
"Yes!" he replied. "Are they yours?"
"Well one is!" i said, "But I stole the other one".

They made me push the bikes all the way to the station, and everyone joined in the task of separating the siamese bicycles with gusto.

I ended up keeping both bikes, and they were both re-stolen within a fortnight.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 11:56, 6 replies)

Pfffft!
Great story.

Buy a decent D-lock; it'll pay for itself. My bike got stolen because I had one of those crappy metal rope locks. Luckily, the police found the bike and I was able to collect it from them the next day. W00t! I went out and bought a fat bastard D-lock for £35. The packaging proclaims breaking it apart by force needs the strength of five elephants.
( Bob Todd whee, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 13:05, closed)

.
So as long as you don't park it near a zoo you're OK.
NOTHING will stop bicycles from being stolen in Brighton. In the end I decided i couldn't afford to keep Sussex's good people in environmentally sound transport any more, and got the bus everywhere.
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 14:46, closed)

I live in Brighton
and the amount of bikes i,ve had nicked is phenomenal. My new idea is find a cheap bike in the tip, do it up and then leave evry bolt loose so when they ride off on it it falls apart.
( Trollman, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 15:16, closed)

Use more locks
If you can lock your bike to something nice and solid (with two or more decent locks) it reduces the chances of your bike being the one that gets nicked.
(Wascally Weasel now with 100% fewer jokes., Sat 12 Jan 2008, 15:16, closed)

Thieves
Have a click for honesty and also out of sympathy after some toe rag tried to steal my Gf's bike and mine from the back garden.

Didn't manage it tho!
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 15:56, closed)

Thieving scumbags
The sky is the limit, you can buy a lock called a "Fahgheddaboudhit" which for £100 which is pretty much impervious to attack and best used in conjuction with other locks to ensure that the thieving pikey scumbags will think twice about nicking your bike.

However, a slightly more devious approach is also good. You can fit a tracker device to your pushbike these days, if the cops aren't too busy harassing drivers and old ladies who've forgotten to pay their TV license, they've been known to track stolen bikes to lock garages full of pilfered loot.

Unfortunately, they don't go as far as amputating the hands of thieving pikey chavs although it can be arranged once you know where they live.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Wed 16 Jan 2008, 11:31, closed)