ShopliftingWhen I was young and impressionable and on holiday in France, I followed some friends into a sweet shop and we each stole something. I was so mortified by this, I returned them.
My lack of French hampered this somewhat - they had no idea why the small English boy wanted to add some chews to the open box, and saw it as an attempt by a nasty foreigner oik to contaminate their stock. Not my best day.
What have you lifted?
(
chthonic, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 11:13)
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Comedy Booze PilfersIt's not really theft if:
a) It belongs to the council
b) You're pissed
Walking home from pubs and clubs in my misspent youth I've attempted to outdo several friends with post pub swipings, which usually consisted of Men At Work signs and the occasional plastic bollard.
However, sometime in the early 1990s the councils got wise. And devious.
Walking home with friends one evening I see a brightly lit bollard sat there in the middle of a traffic island just waiting to be half-inched.
I launch into a full blown pelt toward the bollard, with the intention of using my weight and momentum to break it free from its bolts and claim my prize...
"Fuuuuuuuck!"
Unlike the bollards I was used to, which were made of a brittle plastic which usually shattered at the base, this bollard was constructed of something different entirely.
Imagine my surprise when the bollard sank underneath my weight, before catapaulting me backwards in the direction I'd came from, like a dirty great siege engine.
After receiving a sharp lesson in kinetic energy, I sat on the floor dazed and staring at the triumphant bollard which appeared to be mocking my feeble effort.
I did the honorable thing, gave up and swiped a traffic cone instead.
(, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 12:02, 1 reply)
That did actually make me Laugh Out Loud.
*clicks*
(
chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 13:50,
closed)
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