Possibly a repost...
I was a devious little bugger as a wee'un, with most adults believing that I butter wouldn't melt in my mouth. Little did they know that I was in fact the Artful Dodger of the small village where I grew up, gleefully half-inching sweeties from the newsagents' on a regular basis.

Y'see, not only was I widely trusted, I'd also developed a fool-proof plan to avoid capture: I would wear trousers with a hole in the pocket, and tuck them into a pair of wellies. So I'd slip my swag into the pocket, and it would slide quickly down the trouser leg and into the boot, where it would remain, undetectable, until I was safely out of sight.

My friends thought I was some kind of criminal genius! I'd show off by nicking stuff in plain view, palming it like a pro while the shopkeeper was distracted. Mainly I stole sweets (specifically, Bazooka Joe because even though I didn't like the gum, I wanted the cartoons), but I also branched out into nicking stationery from the bookshop.

I hid it all inside my Action Man multi-purpose vehicle, which had a large storage pod on the back. No-one ever suspected a thing.

In hindsight, while at the time I felt like some sort of modern Robin Hood, I was really just a petty thief depriving small businessmen of their livelihood.

I hope my kids never read this.
( reallywittyname veraciously conspues lexiphanicism on, Thu 10 Jan 2008, 12:17, Reply)