a lesson in English
I think I shoplifted for the first time when i was maybe 12. I was raised to know the difference between right and wrong, but that wasn't what had kept me on the straight and narrow.

No, it was my weak grasp of the English language; confusing 'prosecution' with 'execution' in the 'thieves will be prosecuted' sign that adornes most shop walls. The thought of having my head removed for stealing a Mars bar was just too much.

After crawling up the education system and learning the true meaning of the word a demon was released.

A good friend and I made our cash by taking 'orders' from our school friends and emptying the local shops of anything and everything for cash to pay for our filthy little cigarettes and cheap cider.

Perhaps our brashest ploy (and performed on a near daily basis) was to walk into our local supermarket with empty carrier bags, fill them up and casually stroll out. How we never got caught I just don't know.

We used to go the local Esso with our folk's Tiger Vouchers to exchange for some cheap tat, while the attendant was in the back retrieving said key-ring we leaned over and grabbed as many packs of fags as our grubby little mitts would allow.

My God, this confessional list could go on quite extensively. It seems that I was quite the thieving little b3tard in my youth, but let it be known that I no longer act on my five-finger discount impulses. I have learnt the error of my ways having been on the receiving end.

Stupidest thing ever stolen = zimmer frame (there was no old person attached at the time; I'm not a monster....)
(thebigcheese thebigcheese, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 14:12, Reply)