Shoplifting
Used to be a bad boy when younger, nicked loads. Not only did it save money, it was also exciting, and best of all, no time wasted bloody queueing. Once I only nicked something because of the length of the queue.

Got caught eventually, cautioned, etc. That caution is kept a secret from the outside world, providing I don't break the law for 20 years from that date, at which point the record is destroyed (or so they pretend). But otherwise, it's chokey for me. Or so they said.

Sorted myself out. Stopped being scruffy shameless criminal scum. Got a proper job. Payed taxes. Grew up. Learned a few useful latin phrases. Et cetera.

Anyway. Was recently in a shop, trying to buy some gadget for a friend. Got more and more cross with the lazy bloody staff ignoring me and chatting about their holidays, and finally decided to do something I'd always wanted to do when waiting like this. Just blatantly walk out with it. My theory being, that when they run over and point out that I haven't paid I can (1) point out that's their fault, thus gaining satisfaction and (2) pay them then, thus saving time. I'm a tad of an impatient fellow.

So out I strode, aforementioned technology brazenly held in my arms.

No-one noticed. I hesitated outside with the stolen goods for a bit. I went home. I'd shoplifted by mistake.

I hope they didn't have good CCTV. I'm a bit scared now.
(pussell rarker, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 16:59, 3 replies)

It's not really a mistake though, is it?
You meant to walk out with it, and you could have walked back. You didn't.

Most CCTV is shite.
(Captain Skippy pooed in a bag and left it on your doorstep, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 17:41, closed)

"Learned a few useful latin phrases. Et cetera"
Arf.

click.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 11 Jan 2008, 17:43, closed)

.
Luckily the rozzers won't have access to this public forum, and that your real name is cunningly disguised in your username...
(misanthrope is so adjective he's verbing nouns!, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 9:56, closed)