manky lipstick and free champagne
when i was about 7 and out shopping one day we popped into a pharmacy. whilst mum was looking for lemsips, i clocked the shiny makeup. as so many people here have said, i didn't know why, but i reeeeeeeeeally wanted it. (hmmm. this still remains my attitude to most things, come to think of it.)

i asked mum if i could have a lipstick, and of course she said no. so i palmed one. and not even a good one. the manky tester that was all squashed and missing the end.

when we got outside my sneaky little shit of a baby brother snitched on me. my mother marched me straight back in there and made me explain what i had done and hand it back to the pharmacist. in front of an entire shop of people. the woman looked at me as if i were a piece of shit and turned her back coldly on my stammering apologies. it left such a humiliating scar that i have never, ever, ever stolen anything else and am always stupidly honest.

although given a chance i'd bleed london underground dry of its fat cat profits, the useless sweaty fucktards.

so imagine my shock and horror 20 year later when my parents are shopping for a new years eve party in waitrose. my dad loads 3 boxes of champagne into the trolley with tonnes of other stuff. pays. gets it home. looking at the receipt, mother notices that the till has just charged for 3 bottles, not 3 boxes... the box must have had the bottle barcode and the till monkey had just scanned it once per box, not 12 times per box.

did my parents, who drilled such a bruising and painful lesson into my head about stealing, take it back and fork over the extra 900quid or so? did they fuck. they said the Q at customer services was horrendous and they spent so much money there every week anyway blah blah.

talk about do as i say, not as i do.....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 13 Jan 2008, 11:30, 3 replies)

I hope...
You pointed out the irony of said situation to them, going on about mental scars that cost x thousand pounds of therapy to bring down to manageable levels, and a phobia of pharmacists? No? Shame on you, I'd have laid it on with a shovel.
*clicks* at thought of little Swipe being frogmarched in to face Pharmacy harpie.
( Duke Of Belmsford has got 99 records, but Jay-Z ain't one, Sun 13 Jan 2008, 11:38, closed)

Pharmacy *cringe*
So American. What's wrong with "chemist"?
(Musuko, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 16:39, closed)

nothing wrong with chemist
except it is actually called charnley's pharmacy....
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 15 Jan 2008, 18:31, closed)