Oh father B3ta, hear my confession
Forgive me father, for I have sinned. It has been many years since my last confession. Mainly because I find it pretty hypocritical - telling your sins to someone who fucks young boys.

But anyway, father, I have been led astray, tempted by the twin demons of alcohol and no money. You see father, when I was a penniless student, I would go out drinking with my heathen friends, with hardly enough for a pint between us. We were desperate, father, desperate for the alcoholic devil juice, desperate enough to wait until someone had put a drink down and turned away, and, I'm sorry to say father, desperate enough to swoop in when no-one was looking and liberate said devil juice from it's resting place. We were even cocky enough to lift drinks straight from the bar, if someone was getting a large round in, and had to make several trips to their table.

It was wrong father, I know, but we were young, reckless and skint, and it was a cheap way to get bladdered. After all, it's not like it's possible to turn water into wine, now, is it? And yes, father, I realise we could have had our heads kicked in for stealing drinks. But the good lord must have been watching over us, like a piss-stained alcoholic shepherd, for we emerged from those salubrious drinking dens unscathed, just like what's-his-face emerged from the lion's den.

Oh, and I should probably point out that I'm not even catholic, father. I was just bored, and thought I'd tell someone my story. Incidentally, that plate full of money you've got by the door is a fucking great idea - very christian. I've got at least a fiver out of it - that'll do for a few pints.

5 Hail Mary's, you say? Is that the same as a Bloody Mary? No? Shame...

Hey, you got any of that communion wine on you, father? I'm dying for a drink...
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Sun 13 Jan 2008, 19:10, 3 replies)

This is why,
when I lived in Newquay, we used to piss in shot glasses, and leave them lying around the club.
( The Awful Puppy Bakery is still bored, Sun 13 Jan 2008, 21:37, closed)

Using a sledgehammer to crack a nut
Wouldn't it have been easier just to keep a closer eye on your drink?

Besides, we only did it in Scotland, where no-one really notices if a drink goes missing. Most tables have so many glasses on them, people forget what they were drinking (no joke - I've seen this happen)
(Pavlov's Frog figures no-one really reads sigs anyway, Mon 14 Jan 2008, 0:32, closed)

It has happened
At many a b3ta bash.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Mon 14 Jan 2008, 10:11, closed)