'Like a sunburnt Terry Nutkins'
One of the characters who frequented the supermarket I worked in was not quite the 'town drunk', but you sensed that he has eyeing up the role and was updating his CV.

He'd come in of a lunch time(already pissed) and sniff around the booze department for an opportunity to pocket something that he could drink down by the river later. As soon as he entered the area, staff would flood the aisles and he'd shuffle out of the shop muttering under his breath. He walked on crutches so quite how he planned to make a quick getaway is beyond me.

One day I was walking back from lunch at the exact moment that the manager was informed that a customer had 'fallen asleep' in the frozen section, bent over with the top half of his body in a chest freezer full of frozen vegetables. 'What did this customer look like?' was asked and the messenger replied 'Er, It's that old guy on crutches who looks like a sunburnt Terry Nutkins'.

And so it came to be that the manager and his assistant dragged a semi conscious drunk through the shop and out to the bus depot outside, followed by me carrying his crutches, and bizarrely, a prosthetic foot and ankle. We sat him down on a bench and he told us to 'fuck off' and 'leave him alone'. This sudden outburst caused a young girl, about 6 or 7, sitting on the next bench to start bawling her eyes out.

'It's OK little girl', says the manager, 'he's not very well and we're going to take him home.'

'I know' blubbers little girl, 'He used to be my dad.'

Both managers held it in before they got round the corner and started laughing. I wasn't quite so kind. Looking back on it it's obviously quite sad, but the little girl's timing was exquisite.
(FartThroughAWalkieTalkie wished you were dead in ditch on, Sun 13 May 2012, 12:13, 2 replies)

:'(

(Fireyfox is prepared to change, Sun 13 May 2012, 15:11, closed)

if this doesnt win
then there is no justice in this world.
(tjn whizzing on the electric fence of life, Sun 13 May 2012, 20:58, closed)