Mrs Vagabond and I enjoy grocery shopping together.
We like to piss about, flying on the trolley, throwing each other things to put in it, and generally have a bit of a laugh.

One day, we were messing about in Asda, and she tried to bum me with a carrot or something, and I turned to her and said "Do that again and I'll black your eye!", to which she responded with a V sign and blowing a raspberry at me, her lack of concern going unnoticed by the four other women in the aisle, two of which were quite large, all standing staring at me, arms crossed, "Just you fucking do it" writ large upon each face.

Jokingly telling them "I'd never hit her where it shows!" to try and make it clear I was joking and that I despise violence against women did not have the result I hoped for, and Mrs V had to back me up, telling them that I was only joking, and that I'd never hit her, to which they backed down, shaking their heads in sad disbelief.

I don't make that joke any more.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Sun 13 May 2012, 16:17, 7 replies)

I like this.
Although why did you unchain her from the sink to go shopping. There is home delivery now.
( The Mock Turtle ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Sun 13 May 2012, 21:00, closed)

I hope they offered to make you a sandwich
for being so rude and judgmental.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 13 May 2012, 21:49, closed)

You sound like
that couple from the Directline adverts.
(username failed moderation, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:22, closed)

You sound like your mum.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 14 May 2012, 17:14, closed)

You insensitive cunt
my Mum was murdered by that fat bloke from the Go Compare adverts.
(username failed moderation, Mon 14 May 2012, 17:20, closed)

That's funny, because I'm that fat bloke from Go Compare adverts.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 15 May 2012, 9:25, closed)

All true
except the bit where you are from the Go compare adverts.
(username failed moderation, Tue 15 May 2012, 11:23, closed)