Thanks Kev!
On April 10, 1993, while working as a retail clerk at a local Quick Stop Market convenience store in Leonardo, New Jersey, I got called into work on my day off by my boss to cover a few hours for another employee who was sick. Arriving at the store, I found that the locks to the security shutters are jammed closed with chewing gum, so I hung a sheet over them with a message written in shoe polish: "I ASSURE YOU; WE'RE OPEN."

My day was spent in the purgatory of serving a succession of customers while bemoaning the fact that I was "not even supposed to be here today." Interspersed with the demands of my job, I passed time in wide-ranging conversations with my friend, Randal Graves. Randal works at the neighboring video store, although he spends almost the entire day at the Quick Stop. We conversed about many things to pass time, such as whether the contractors working on the second Death Star when it was destroyed at the end of Return of the Jedi were innocent victims or not. My current girlfriend, Veronica Loughran, also stopped in and the we talked about my current disposition—in a rut with no motivation to change. Further contributing to my misery was an announcement in the local newspaper that my unfaithful ex-girlfriend Caitlin Bree was engaged to be married.

Learning that I was stuck working the store all day, I convinced my friends to play hockey on the store roof. The game was short. 12 minutes in, an irate customer shoots their only ball off the roof and into a sewer. Reopening the store, I found out one of my ex-girlfriends has died and her memorial service was today. Randal talked me into closing the store again and going to the wake. The visit was disastrous, with Randal and I running out to escape in their car. Randal accidentally knocked over the casket by leaning on it.

That night Caitlin Bree surprised me with a visit. After she assures me that the engagement announcement was premature and arranged by her mother, we traded banter and I became torn between her and Veronica. I finally decided to take Caitlin on a date and slipped home to change. I returned to discover that Caitlin had sex with a dead man in the unlit bathroom, having mistaken the man for me (the man had earlier entered the bathroom with a pornographic magazine and had suffered a fatal heart attack while masturbating). An ambulance took Caitlin away in shock along with the corpse.

Jay and Silent Bob, a pair of stoners who have spent all day hanging out (and dealing marijuana) outside the Quick Stop, entered the store to shoplift. I turned down Jay’s offer to party with them. Knowing my predicament, Silent Bob pauses before following Jay outside and offers the following wisdom: "You know, there's a million fine-looking women in the world, dude. But they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you." I then realized that I lovee Veronica. When she returned to the Quick Stop, though, Randal complicates things by revealing that I asked Caitlin out. Veronica angrily breaks up with me, telling me that Randal informed her of the planned date with Caitlin.

When Randal entered the Quick Stop after closing the RST video, I lost my temper and fought with him. After the fight, we lay on the floor worn out. I claimed that Randal does nothing for me but make my life miserable by getting me fined, offending my customers, and ruining my relationships. Randal explodes, saying that I deserved the blame: I, not Randal, closed the store to play hockey, closed it again to go to the wake, and closed it yet again to try to hook up with my ex-girlfriend, cheating on my current one in the process. He then says that I came to work of my own volition and overcompensates for having a monkey's job. He claims that I think he was more advanced than the customers and Randal storms off with "if we're so fucking advanced, what are we doing working here?" leaving me speechless on the floor.

We reconciled and I said I will try to talk to Veronica and visit Caitlin and possibly get some direction in my life. Randal walked out of the store, popped back in briefly to toss my sign at me stating, "You're closed!"
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 13 May 2012, 23:57, 7 replies)

got it at "assure you"

( Ungersven would support SpankyHanky's patreon, Mon 14 May 2012, 0:14, closed)

haha, yeah
great
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Mon 14 May 2012, 0:27, closed)

.
And in the original ending, you were shot to death.

Which is better.
( sir_spicious2000 Crap I've watched: www.filmplop.blogspot.com/, Mon 14 May 2012, 1:25, closed)

It's not supposed to be obvious until the last line

(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Mon 14 May 2012, 10:27, closed)

What can I say
Aiming low this week.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 14 May 2012, 10:49, closed)

Just shows that no-one reads the subject lines...

(Bernardate, Mon 14 May 2012, 11:33, closed)

But you got your donkey show, right?

(Magus Zeal reloading since, Tue 15 May 2012, 7:24, closed)