Being a naturally clumsy, cack handed individual...
...this has afforded my life many opportunities to brighten your day as well as my cheeks (tops ones) with this Question of the Week.

- I was driving to a house viewing in a particular rush and pulled up outside the house where the estate agent was waiting and ‘being in a hurry’, flung open the driver’s side door with great force whilst stepping out. While I was in mid stride the door reached its apex and then swung back on the hinge catching me by surprise and hit my side while off balance. I faltered back and smacked the back of my head on the door frame, bounced out, hit the closing door again, fell into the car, and gave myself a black eye from the gear stick. When I finally got out of the car, slightly groggy, the estate agent was sprawled on his car bonnet seemingly so physically paralysed with laughter that he had also lost the power of speech. When he finally recovered and I was nursing my eye with a tissue soaked with coke, I was told that he had never seen a person beaten up by a car. I told him I have never been beaten up by a car before but next time I would be ready and kick the shit out of it Fawlty-style.

- My rubber band ruler gun backfired when I was hunting Mike Smalls in the biology lab and hit me in the eye. Hard. Then Mike Smalls was so incensed that I was playing predator and stalking him he pinged another rubber band in my other eye. I couldn’t see for hours and then my eyes were sensitive to sunlight for about a year afterwards.

-Recently out and about in the UK’s frozen precipigeddon at the start of January was a slapstick goldmime. The amount of people I saw slipping and sliding and bouncing off objects was literally hilarious. In fact I got beaten up for laughing at some lads trapped in a snow prison by some snowmen snowguards. Also, one snostitute.

- I was running away from bullies at top speed when one of them waiting in ambush behind a wall stuck out his arm in a ‘clothesline’ manoeuvre. However because I was going so fast and he got me right at the top of my chest, that I did a somersault and landed on my feet and kept running. However, thrilled as I was at my luck and ‘prowess’ this event critically destabilised my movement and I fell down some stairs almost immediately. Me? Broken collar bone. Bullies? Job done.

- conducting a play fight with some friends in sleeping bags on a camping trip. It was too cold to actually get out of the sleeping bags and we couldn’t stand up because of the lack of headroom in the tent, so we were delivering two legged sweeping kicks to one another and wrestling. We unfortunately got carried away and de-pegged the tent we were in and managed to roll down a rather steep hill into a shallow stream. It wasn’t gay though.

-started a new job, got told to get some stuff from the stationary room, inexplicably all the boxes and shelves fell on me. I was trapped for hours and no one noticed. I did some of my best doodles though.

There are more. When I think of some I shall post them.
(powervator and NONE SHALL PASS, Fri 22 Jan 2010, 9:31, Reply)