tits and arses
well, just arses, if i'm being wholly accurate...

it was the first week in my new job. the office, which was then along the embankment in london, was a funny place in that it was a modern building with one very old fashioned part that was listed, meaning the landlord could not upgrade it. this old fashioned part happened to be near my room, and it was very pretty, with thick cushioned carpets and wooden handrails. hardly anyone ever used it, but it was a nifty shortcut from my office to our insolvency department on the floor above.

so my new boss asked me to take a stack of files upstairs. he offered to come with me and help me carry them. thank feck i said no. as you do for a new job, i had gone out and bought a couple of new suits, and this particular trouser suit, despite being a very professional and stylish shade of charcoal grey, was too long for me, like a kid in a new school blazer. i was also wearing very high stacks. sure enough, like a total comedy clown, i caught one heel in the bottom of the trousers, and fell up the stairs. and landed on the files. and yanked my own trousers down, debagging myself in the process.

now the face plant hurt like hell despite the fancy carpet, but nobody else had been there to see my loss of dignity and my pants, so no harm done. i picked myself up, laughed a bit at my stupidity, and went to see my colleagues. a couple of hours later, i went out for lunch with my trainee, mary. she found the story hilarious. now, mary was quite a curvy individual, with an admittedly mahoosive bum (a bit like a parcel shelf).

at the time i was telling her, we were walking up one of those narrow chutes from the embankment to fleet street, past a basement restaurant window. with immaculate precision comedy timing, as mary was ripping the piss out of me for being a flasher, a gust of wind blew her skirt clean up, flashing her pasty bum and thighs to every diner in the window. and about 5 of our male colleagues who were walking behind us, as we shortly found out. i don't think it can have enhanced anyone's lunch hour pleasure.

mary didn't get kept on at the end of her training contract...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 20:37, 3 replies)

arf!
has she got the kind of arse that makes you feel seasick when you walk behind her?
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 21:18, closed)

luckily for me
i was alongside her, so i missed that particular tasty treat (of gaping death)!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 26 Jan 2010, 21:31, closed)

*I'd* have
kept her on and taken her along to big, important meetings. I'd also have kept a leaf blower nearby just in case the big, important meeting needed an emergency comedy lift.
( Kroney, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 17:52, closed)