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This is a question Real-life slapstick

Fact: When someone walks into a lamp-post it makes a very satisfying and hugely hilarious "Ding!" noise. However, it is not quite so funny when the post is in the middle of town and you are the victim. Tell us about hilarious prat-falls.

Thanks to Bob Todd for the suggestion

(, Thu 21 Jan 2010, 12:07)
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Nibi's 'shit on own face' story reminds me
that everyone who works in care or nursing eventually gets covered in something. Blood's the least of our worries - looks sort of heroic. Shit'n'sick, on the other hand, just invite derision.

On my first day in a new job, I was helping to change some particularly messy shit-up bed sheets, in my lovely crisp white tunic.

I was hoping not to have to wash it right away, maybe wear it for another day, but that idea was scuppered when I got home and noticed the huge streak of diarrhoea covering half my back. Bastards'd let me walk around all day like that.

Another day, I noticed that the curtains had been drawn for a long time around a bed. Looking inside, I found my mate stood beside the bed, covered in sick, next an obviously dead woman propped up on pillows.

Mate had drawn the curtains as the patient felt sick: the patient had then turned towards her, vomited all over her and suddenly died, and the call bell was broken so Mate'd had to stand there until someone came by.

I collapsed on the bed, trying hard to stop myself from both laughing hysterically (other patients were listening) and peeing my pants.
Mate had to wait, indignantly, for quite a while next to the corpse until I was composed enough to fetch her a towel to wipe herself down enough for a dignified exit.

Another time, the same mate and I were getting an elderly lady ready for bed. She said to Mate, 'Would you pop this in the fridge for me, please?' and passed her a KitKat wrapper.

Mate said 'Of course!', took it and looked - it was a TURD. She shrieked 'It's a turd!' and started waving it around, looking for somewhere to dump it.

I was by then of course hanging cross-legged onto the sink in the corner. No help whatever.

I could go on, but it's teatime.
(, Wed 27 Jan 2010, 19:26, Reply)

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