Wood preservative
One of the things a workman (affectionately known as "Psycho I") left behind when he sought help for the meth addiction was a foul-smelling, slowly-leaking can labelled "Wood Preservative (with phenol)." I wanted to get rid of the can, but it screamed toxic waste. But it did say wood preservative. And I had some wooden timbers bordering my driveway that, while already preserved, looked they could stand a coat of this foul, oily liquid. So, I poured out some of the gut-churning goo into a cup and painted the top of one timber.

Big mistake. Big, big mistake. It was SO smelly that it threatened the entire neighborhood. It was clear I had recreated Bhopal in my driveway. So, I hurriedly ripped the timber out of the ground, threw it into the car, and drove off before my ex-cop next-door neighbor came poking his head into my driveway to find out what was going on (I missed him by two minutes).

I always wondered why people engaged in illegal dumping. Now I knew. I drive into a desolate area of an unfamiliar neighborhood and dumped the timber.

When I returned, I continued the cleanup, tossing tainted gravel into garbage bags and throwing away befouled towels and clothes (sadly some good ones too). I had got a bit of the oily goo on the upholstery of the car, and my car smelled like the industrial ass for weeks. And I still had some left.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Sun 19 Jan 2014, 9:54, 2 replies)

I've always wondered why people choose venues like this to admit to being pathetic dicks.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 19 Jan 2014, 10:16, closed)

You are a tragic example of humanity.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Sun 19 Jan 2014, 12:54, closed)