"It's not going to suck itself!"
But touch wood, I'll be giving up as of April 1st when my mate's pregnant wife goes for her second scan.

As for my first cigarette though, that was not an enjoyable experience at all.

I was 16, so it was all legal (as I was all on the straight and narrow back then, I didn't even have any illegal mp3s). I was waiting to go home from 6th form with some friends, one of whom piped up "Piston, it's time you tried your first cigarette".

I'd never even considered the idea before, as having relatives who have died of smoking can somewhat put you off the idea. But, considering she was a rather nice-looking friend and even back then I was game to try anything once, I decided to try it.

She lit the cigarette for me, and then passed it to me. I looked at it for a few seconds, before she piped up saying "Well, it's not going to suck itself!". So, with the more irrational parts of my brain shouting down the sensible parts, I put the cigarette in my mouth, and after a second, inhaled.

I felt the smoke go into my lungs. It tasted ok, not of the ashes and poo and other vileness I'd convinced myself it would taste like. I exhaled, glad to know I wasn't missing anything, however.

I then opened my mouth to say "Actually, it's not that-" and then was rudely interrupted by a choking fit and nearly going blue in the face. I only managed to get as far as croaking "Water!" in between bouts of coughing, to my friends, who were by now laughing their arses off at their unfortunate colleague.

I didn't try smoking again for a long while after that, and even to this day wonder why I started.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 20 Mar 2008, 11:11, 2 replies)

"Well, it's not going to suck itself!"
You could have looked down at your cock and said the same thing back.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 11:12, closed)

"having relatives who have died of smoking "
made me think of spontaneous human combustion.
Hooray for asplode-apeople!
(tiger blood and Adonis DNA, Thu 20 Mar 2008, 11:19, closed)