the couch will never be the same again
sorry for the length but trust me,this is the short version

i dont know why but i seem to attract the crazy ones,maybe its something im putting out ther who knows but the fact is the ones with the "stalker gene" tend to go for me.

we start our story in a fine little place called "lounge lava" (name re-arranged to protect the innocent) when she cornered me,unforunately i was highlly drunk,trapped in a booth,she was too large to get by and my friends,quite frankly,found it hilarious.

im glad to say i didnt do anything too bad (no amount of alcohol could make me) but i did talk with her and discovered we actually got on and she had quite a few vaguley hot friends so i thought "what the hell rocknroll_pirate,let her get to the friend-zone and play the set me up game" and so we do the texting thing,she tries to flirt with me,i leave it two days before replying etc generally playing the arrogant player (which im not,honest) unforunately for me she LOVES this,she steps up her game,keeps inviting me to her house,parties,the pub,ANYWHERE!

she waits a few weeks,probably thinks i want her to play hard to get,i didnt,i wanted her to leave me the hell alone,during my short lived reprieve me and my friends come to the conclusion that she is the exact double of princess fiona in ogre-form.....no exageration!

she tricks me with her plan,starts talking about horror films,tells me how shes never really watched any and what ones should she start with etc unfortunately im a horror junkie and fall for her trap hook line and bloody sinker

i end up in a big conversation about them and somehow drunkenly tell her to come to my house to watch some,i then forgot about this until she texted me when she be up

"fair enough" i thought,i had expressed to her many times how i had no romantic feelings about her,never have and bar some incredible breakthrough in plastic surery that makes a girl look like a sarah michelle gellar,never will, so i thought she understood completely and would keep her hands herself.

i forget which film we were watching,id rather not know as it would ruin it for me and put me off watching it ever again, i tell her im goin to the bathroom,she smiles and says "ok"

i return to what can only be described as a "retina-destroying" experience, she was lying on my couch,my LEATHER couch,bare-ass naked,you could see evrything,where she had shaved (and where she hadnt,bleaurgh!) except for one minor detail,she had left her black socks on!?! i still wonder about this fact actually,did she not have time to remove them or did she think i had some sort of wierd sock fetish,i guess il never know

i ask what she thinks shes doing,she looks at me with a genuine expression of both hurt and psychosis and says "i thought you would want me" i knew then i had to remove her,she had become terminal

i began to phase her out,she told all her friends i slept with her to which i yelled at her for,apparently she cried after i left the pub

i met mrs pirate not too long after that and have had a brilliant relationship with her,however,i do get a bit annoyed that she finds this story a tad too funny,to the point wher she tells EVERYONE she meets about it,i made the mistake of pointing princess fiona out to her and she openly pointed at her and laughed,i would feel bad if i hadnt seen her naked

theres lots more to tell about this very psychotic girl but that will have to wait for another qotw

p.s i now have a stalker who works in a shop near to mine,she always acts all cheerful to me but a total bitch to my mrs pirate and my friend....she also has a very flat face and looks like the cat from over the hedge,oh well
(rocknroll_pirate had a dream involving holly willoughby and custard, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 0:23, 1 reply)

I find
Princess Fiona in ogre-form quite sexy, obviously apart from the green skin and ogre ears.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 8:01, closed)