Fatto's lame attempt at stalking
I mentioned Fatto, my demon housemate, in a former QotW. It's time to elaborate on her fantastically bizarre attempt at stalking.

One thing you should know about Fatto is that she loved horror movies. Another thing you should know is that she liked to steal things. Talk reached the ears of the normal housemate faction (the four of us weighing approximately the same amount as Fatto) that she had stolen a mobile phone.

It was perhaps unsurprising, therefore, when E. received a text message, written in Fatto's idiotic prose style though from an unknown number. I cannot remember the wording, but it was somewhat venomous.

Then I got one, detailing my intense ugliness and how annoying my laugh was. And poor old S. received a stream of vitriol concerning her ginger hair. Which was a fair point I suppose.

Then a series of messages began to arrive on our mobiles, from the same telephone number: these were from somebody who was watching the house and planning upon murdering us all! Shock! Horror!

And Fatto, the poor dear was getting them too. She would reach her hand into her pocket, then moments later a murderous threat would appear upon her "official" mobile phone. Curious.

It is perhaps strange that this psychopath who was intently surveying our comings and goings would send text messages to E., S., and I about how monstrously obese we were. Yet Fatto did not receive these problems. Maybe said psychopath thought, "Hmm, can't mock Fatto over her weight, it's bound to be a bit of a sore point."

Fatto attempted to whip up a good degree of fear. "zOMGz!" quoth the whale, "we shall all surely be murdered in our beds."

"Worry not," replied I, "for the police have been notified. With their marvellous technology they can trace a text message to its exact point of origin and then sentence the vile perpatrator to eight years in prison."

"Oh," said Fatto.

Her sausagey fingers dipped back into the pocket of her tent-like hoodie. My phone beeps... I have a new message.

It is from our evil stalker.

"Sory [sic]," it says.

A few weeks later, Fatto gave out the number as her new telephone number. Mental, yes. Clever, no. Thank God.
( Queen of Cheesecake, Fri 1 Feb 2008, 0:55, 1 reply)

"zOMGz!" quoth the whale,
deserves a click if anything ever did
(Katurian, Wed 6 Feb 2008, 16:18, closed)