My mate, with whom I often worked on the wards, as we prepared to do a patient 's bed bath:
'Now, this lady has had a leg amputated. (pointing) Do you think it's this one?'

I collapsed in giggles. Ruined Jane's air of super-efficiency.

Another time, an elderly bedbound lady asked Jane to 'put this in the fridge for me, please, dear!' and held out a KitKat wrapper. It contained - a turd.

Again, I was helpless with laughter as Jane waved the turd around, going 'Uuurr! Uurr!' and looking for somewhere to dump it while not offending the doolally lady.

OK, that last bit wasn't Jane being stupid but I enjoyed it.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 8:52, 2 replies)

mate of mie worked in a care home
one old dear was well known for stashing carrier bags full of her own shit behind her bedroom door. if anyone tried to stop her, she would literally unleash a shitstorm.
when my mate asked her why she wanted the bags of shit, she said "to feed the birds".
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 8 Mar 2011, 17:24, closed)

They love a bit of 'er!
Some old folks have a habit of secreting SPs around the furniture in care homes. You can sniff them out down the backs of settees and TV table drawers.

At one place, an old dear used to wrap her 'products' in antimacassars off the backs of chairs so when they went missing we'd know something was afoot.

It's commoner than you'd think.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Wed 9 Mar 2011, 0:38, closed)