Columbian (or rather Jamaican) marching powder.
A fair few years ago, a drinking companion from my local pub used to tell me stories of his "Howard Marks" years.
To be honest, the bloke was a bit well known for being a bullshitter. Indeed, his surname was Fuller, and so became known as "Fuller-shit" for obvious reasons; it was known amoungst locals to take pretty much anything he said with a pinch of salt, but to be honest, a lot of his stories were funny and entertaining and he wasn't really a bad bloke and so a lot of us ended up in conversations with him quite a bit.

He regularly regaled us with tales of smuggling from one country to another, and did actually seem to be flying about the place quite a lot...we put this down to his job (not that any one of us had any idea what he *really* did for a job), and his bullshit status dressing it up into something it wasn't. Let's be honest, if anyone was really involved in that kind of shit, the last thing they'd be doing is telling a group of 20 somethings all about it in their local pub, would they?

One night a friend of mine and I were sitting in the pub with Fuller-shit - there was no-one else there, just us three, and Fullershit pipes up "Yeah, and so after this one I'm off to Jamaica, although, a couple of our group has dropped out and I have a spare couple of tickets" (or words to that effect). We start talking about what it would be like in Jamaica etc... and of course he says "hey, why don't you two come with me, it's not like you'll have to pay for a ticket, etc..." - that's when the alarm bells went on for me, and I politely refused.

My friend, on the other hand decides that perhaps he will take up his offer, after all the bloke is a bullshitter of extraordinary proportions and this probably won't come to much - if it does, then "bonus"; they get a free holiday.

Next morning, he and another friend stand on the corner waiting to be driven to Heathrow for this 'non-existant' free trip to Jamaica, having been told that "Don't worry, all the accomodation is sorted out already".

Sure as a bell, Fullershit actually turns up, on time and ready to go.

Sure enough, a fair few hours later and they are actually on a place with Fullershit on their way to Jamaica...and that's when they realised that there really is no such thing as a free lunch, or indeed, a free flight.

Two rather large Jamaican men are waiting for them in the departure lounge...with equally large guns. This is when it suddenly dawned on them that Fuller-shit, perhaps wasn't, and that this was no ordinary free ride.

They are forced into a car, driven for miles where they are put in a room and told to sleep and wait for the morning. In the morning they are both given large suitcases full of Columbia's finest and driven at gun-point back to the airport. My mate insists that he fought to escape, but was captured and thrust into the car and told in no uncertain terms that unless he does exactly as he is told, then he won't make it back to England in one piece.

He does as he is told.

Once on the flight, it is announced that the flight will be making an unscheduled stop in Munich due to a problem at Heathrow airport and that the airline will be paying for a hotel room for anyone who needs it.

They collect their 'luggage' and are driven to a hotel room, where about five minutes after they check in, their hotel door is kicked down by some rather frightening German police with more big guns.

To cut a long story short, my mate got 4 years (reduced from 14!!!!) and the other chap got 7 because he couldn't give a decent description of the place they were at in Jamaica.

Of course, they can both speak fluent German now - just as long as the phrase "Pick up the soap" is mentioned.

I have no idea how anyone would actually have got on that flight - ignorance? Yes, in abundance!

The even more stupid thing was that my mates dad owned a huge construction firm which he was due to 'inherit' once he'd finished his degree, if he'd had any idea of what was coming he'd have run a mile - he was already going to be set up for life.

Of course, his dad had to sell various assets to pay for Lawyers, translators and flights to and from Munich.

Now, the firm is barely scraping by - and in no small part to not believing a bullshitter.

Incidently, Fullershit hasn't been since this episode.

Odd that.

Length? Nearly 14 years!
(dchurch bah, Thu 18 Mar 2010, 21:10, Reply)